So we got the results of DH's new semen analysis. The voicemail from the RE's office was actually really annoying. "So things have improved but you will still need ICSI...yada yada yada...things are a little better but IVF is still necessary..." Like don't forget you still need us! I'm so grateful for their help in Pipsqueak's conception, and I appreciate that giving out false hope is potentially devastating but it jut felt like a hard sell. BUT good news is things have improved (albeit slightly):
6 million per ml
Motility 36%
6.5 total motile count
Viscosity high
Morphology 0
His best ever count was like 5.2 mil/ml (but usually around 4 mil/ml) and best motility ever was like 20% (but usually lower - around 10%).
I know low end normal count is 15 million / mil. I also know that it is supposed to take a minimum of 20 million motile sperm to get at least a few to the egg. But I also know he has swimmers and I have eggs. And since we can't do IVF until we wean anyway (which may take longer than I realize) we figure we may as well try naturally for 6-9 months. I'm ordering DH fertile aid vitamins (after all my research it does seem like that is the best overall vitamin/supplement for sperm health - any other thoughts?), I'm ordering myself some ovulation sticks (not going to be obsessive - but I am curious about my ovulation since I'm still breast feeding) and we are gonna get DH back to the urologist to discuss possible clomid for him. We were hesitant to try it before - mostly because I didn't want to delay treatment while my eggs got older and older - but now since we already have been blessed we figure why not?
Here we go....
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Friday, December 14, 2012
One year and sick!
We are at the in-laws for her 1st birthday and the holidays - and she has her first bad cold :-(. Her party is tomorrow so I hope she rebounds quickly!!!
Merry Christmas to all of you.
Merry Christmas to all of you.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Round 2?
So my DH has an appt for a semen analysis on Wednesday. I am very curious (to say the least) about the results. Could healthier living have improved things at all? Is the unknown entity causing his low count, motility and morphology something that is going to get progressively worse?
I've also left a message with the nurses at my RE's office asking how long after weaning do I have to wait for repeat day 3 testing/a new IVF round....I'm assuming 2-3 months for hormones to regulate?
I've also left a message with the nurses at my RE's office asking how long after weaning do I have to wait for repeat day 3 testing/a new IVF round....I'm assuming 2-3 months for hormones to regulate?
6 hours later-
Now that I've had time to finish this post - nurse called back - she said the first month after we are completely weaned I can get Day 3 labs drawn and/or start a new IVF cycle. Wow.
Any advice on weaning? I am utterly terrified. She is a comfort nurser. We don't nurse over night anymore (finally) but she nurses SEVERAL times a day. I don't want to go cold turkey yet I don't want to drag it out for several months.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Mommy's bad night
Pipsqueak slept ok last night but I didn't...well she slept a good amount just not at the hours I had hoped for. 6:10pm-4:20am. With just small fussing that didn't require intervention in between. I, however was miserable. I slept 8pm-12am and then had nightmares/panic attacks/restless leg/something. I kept just falling asleep and then hearing her cry or imagining her falling out of her crib. I finally woke my husband up at 2 and told him if I didn't get some sleep I was going to have to be admitted to the psych ward. So he sent me to the guest room. When she woke for the day at 4:20 (man 4:20 used to mean something way more fun...) he woke me up. We laid in the guest room nursing. When I went to flip her over my hand touched poo. Major blow out all over the bed. At this point I laughed.
She then napped from 6:15-7am. Just long enough for me to fantasize about napping.
So how do I get her to sleep later in the morning? Keeping her up later doesn't seem to help at all....although we have only kept her up until 8pm here and there, not on consecutive nights. Any ideas?
She then napped from 6:15-7am. Just long enough for me to fantasize about napping.
So how do I get her to sleep later in the morning? Keeping her up later doesn't seem to help at all....although we have only kept her up until 8pm here and there, not on consecutive nights. Any ideas?
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Ramblings
First snowfall yesterday! Pipsqueak loved it (I know this because the good mother that I am I took her out in it dressed in only pjs and danced around).
Thanksgiving was awesome - my family came here and we ate, drank, watched movies and played Wii all weekend.
TEETHING has recommenced. That pic of her ghost teeth should have been a big flashing neon sign saying "OMG IT'S ABOUT TO GET SO BAD". She is fussy, clingy and sleeping poorly. She had been doing 12+hours in her crib at night - not now. 2 nights ago was the worst - she slept 7pm-12am then cried. I could see she was still lying down and crying quietly so I let her fuss on and off for about 45 mins then got her. I nursed her, rocked her, and put her back down. 45 mins later she was SCREAMING. I was so tired by this point that I brought her to bed with me and she nursed on and off til morning. Ahh the good old days. Last night she slept 6pm-3am straight without fussing which was a huge improvement - BUT then was screaming so I nursed her again and put her back down in the crib awake. She settled herself down and went to sleep. But was then awake and dancing/crying at 4:45.
I am blaming the teeth. Her top two middle ones are both about 25% pushed through and there are several other white bumps on her gums. I think once the major drama behind them is over we will have to do a little sleep training update. And by 'we' I mean Daddy - it is just too hard for me - if I go to her I have to nurse her. But I DO NOT want her to get used to a nighttime feed again. She is almost one for Christ's sake!!!
I hope everyone had a great holiday!
Thanksgiving was awesome - my family came here and we ate, drank, watched movies and played Wii all weekend.
TEETHING has recommenced. That pic of her ghost teeth should have been a big flashing neon sign saying "OMG IT'S ABOUT TO GET SO BAD". She is fussy, clingy and sleeping poorly. She had been doing 12+hours in her crib at night - not now. 2 nights ago was the worst - she slept 7pm-12am then cried. I could see she was still lying down and crying quietly so I let her fuss on and off for about 45 mins then got her. I nursed her, rocked her, and put her back down. 45 mins later she was SCREAMING. I was so tired by this point that I brought her to bed with me and she nursed on and off til morning. Ahh the good old days. Last night she slept 6pm-3am straight without fussing which was a huge improvement - BUT then was screaming so I nursed her again and put her back down in the crib awake. She settled herself down and went to sleep. But was then awake and dancing/crying at 4:45.
I am blaming the teeth. Her top two middle ones are both about 25% pushed through and there are several other white bumps on her gums. I think once the major drama behind them is over we will have to do a little sleep training update. And by 'we' I mean Daddy - it is just too hard for me - if I go to her I have to nurse her. But I DO NOT want her to get used to a nighttime feed again. She is almost one for Christ's sake!!!
I hope everyone had a great holiday!
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Mystery teeth
So I think Pipsqueak is teething - unexplained fever Monday of 102.7 - pediatrician thought maybe a virus but no other symptoms. She has been fussy this week and waking overnight between 4-5am crying. Yesterday I was taking some holiday photos and in one of them she appeared to have several teeth on top (in actuality she only has 2 bottom teeth). Upon seeing the picture I immediately examined her mouth and nope, some teeth getting ready to emerge maybe but definitely not poking out like in the picture. Scary ghost teeth.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
36
Only thrity-six days left of my baby being a BABY! OMG that scares me.
But the writing IS on the wall. She is now (kind of sort of almost perfectly) using a sippy cup with whole milk in it. She is going 14 hours at night with no breast-feeding. She is sleeping 12 hours straight (added just in case you haven't read my last 3 million posts on sleep). She walks up to about 12 steps before falling. She feeds herself most of the time (and definitely prefers that to me feeding her). She flirts. She responds to us and seems to understand most of everything we say. She says Dada, Mama, Nine (sounds German, unsure exactly what she means. Possibly no because it usually comes out when she is mad). I think she is saying kitty cat (sounds like 'kekeka").
Having a toddler sounds so odd.
My supply is definitely waning. She will nurse for an hour trying to milk me more. Evidently the up all night nursing fests were what was keeping my supply up. So it is for sure the beginning of the end here - thus why we are introducing small amounts (1-3 oz total for the day) of whole milk now so she can start getting used to it (my pediatrician recommended it!).
Once we have fully weaned I will let my body adjust for a few months and then it is time to get re-checked with the RE. I am DYING to know what my FSH level is. It was always around 7 until our IVF cycle when it was like 11.2. We had 19 eggs retrieved so I evidently have eggs...I hope that number was a fluke and it's back down to normal. Also hubs needs to have a new SA - I know those results can change greatly both negatively and positively over time.
Have a great day after election day! We have a playdate with some friends today.
But the writing IS on the wall. She is now (kind of sort of almost perfectly) using a sippy cup with whole milk in it. She is going 14 hours at night with no breast-feeding. She is sleeping 12 hours straight (added just in case you haven't read my last 3 million posts on sleep). She walks up to about 12 steps before falling. She feeds herself most of the time (and definitely prefers that to me feeding her). She flirts. She responds to us and seems to understand most of everything we say. She says Dada, Mama, Nine (sounds German, unsure exactly what she means. Possibly no because it usually comes out when she is mad). I think she is saying kitty cat (sounds like 'kekeka").
Having a toddler sounds so odd.
My supply is definitely waning. She will nurse for an hour trying to milk me more. Evidently the up all night nursing fests were what was keeping my supply up. So it is for sure the beginning of the end here - thus why we are introducing small amounts (1-3 oz total for the day) of whole milk now so she can start getting used to it (my pediatrician recommended it!).
Once we have fully weaned I will let my body adjust for a few months and then it is time to get re-checked with the RE. I am DYING to know what my FSH level is. It was always around 7 until our IVF cycle when it was like 11.2. We had 19 eggs retrieved so I evidently have eggs...I hope that number was a fluke and it's back down to normal. Also hubs needs to have a new SA - I know those results can change greatly both negatively and positively over time.
Have a great day after election day! We have a playdate with some friends today.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Ahhhh
11 hrs straight asleep in her crib. She put herself to sleep and hardly fussed at all. I got 9 hours. I feel like a new woman!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Best. Night. Ever. - Night 2 of 'sleep training'
I did a lot of research (a.k.a. googling yesterday) about sleep training. The thing I read that made me most happy is to tackle the night first, then move on to naps. While sleep training it is best that they get good naps and are well-rested. So yesterday she took her first nap in her crib for about an hour and half. Nap 2 in the afternoon was in my lap on the couch - two hours.
Last night I could tell she was getting tired at 6:30 pm (always goes down early when she has 2 naps - with 3 naps shes up til 9 or 10). We went up to the nursery. I nursed her, then rocked her while humming. She was asleep in about 10 minutes. I rocked her for a few more minutes and put her down. Over the next few hours I heard her fuss momentarily, saw her flip over and stick her butt up in the air (cutest thing ever-see pic below), but never cry. She didn't wake up crying until 3:45!!!!!! That is the longest she has ever slept - 8.75 hours straight!
I went in and picked her up (I guess we can't call what we are doing cry it out exactly, more like fuss it out). She was crying and had been asleep longer than she ever had so I nursed her and rocked her. I put her down before she was completely asleep though. And she fussed and rocked while holding onto the siderails for only about 2 minutes before she laid down and PUT HERSELF TO SLEEP!
My husband was mad that I nursed her because we really want to end the night feeds but nursing once at night sure beats 6-8 times a night which had been her norm recently!
Obviously I know our sleep drama is not over completely, but we are sure making strides. She and I can both do this, if we get off track at some point we just have to jump back in.
Last night I could tell she was getting tired at 6:30 pm (always goes down early when she has 2 naps - with 3 naps shes up til 9 or 10). We went up to the nursery. I nursed her, then rocked her while humming. She was asleep in about 10 minutes. I rocked her for a few more minutes and put her down. Over the next few hours I heard her fuss momentarily, saw her flip over and stick her butt up in the air (cutest thing ever-see pic below), but never cry. She didn't wake up crying until 3:45!!!!!! That is the longest she has ever slept - 8.75 hours straight!
I went in and picked her up (I guess we can't call what we are doing cry it out exactly, more like fuss it out). She was crying and had been asleep longer than she ever had so I nursed her and rocked her. I put her down before she was completely asleep though. And she fussed and rocked while holding onto the siderails for only about 2 minutes before she laid down and PUT HERSELF TO SLEEP!
My husband was mad that I nursed her because we really want to end the night feeds but nursing once at night sure beats 6-8 times a night which had been her norm recently!
Obviously I know our sleep drama is not over completely, but we are sure making strides. She and I can both do this, if we get off track at some point we just have to jump back in.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Well we did it
A little Cry It Out. At 10+ months I think it must be less harmful right? Let the night-weaning begin!
Crib at 9pm
Woke at 12am - cried on and off for an hour - hubby went in 3 times to comfort her but not pick her up. Just stroked her head and patted her butt. He said she went from standing at the rail screaming, to just swaying back and forth fussing, to silently swaying, then laid down and went to sleep.
Woke at 6:45 - I nursed her and rocked her. She fell asleep in my arms and I tried to lay her back down but she cried so we got up for the day.
Where was I during the night cries? In the guest room, a unisom and a beer in my belly, with white noise drowning out the crying. I highly recommend this. 9 hours straight of sleep. My body is in shock and awe. My brain feels alive for the first time in MONTHS.
Tonight it is my turn. I plan on wearing a high neckline tight top to disallow access to the ladies. Wish me luck--I am definitely not as strong as my husband so I hope I don't buckle. BUT even if I suck at it at least we know she is able to put herself to sleep - she is just stubborn and likes our help.
Crib at 9pm
Woke at 12am - cried on and off for an hour - hubby went in 3 times to comfort her but not pick her up. Just stroked her head and patted her butt. He said she went from standing at the rail screaming, to just swaying back and forth fussing, to silently swaying, then laid down and went to sleep.
Woke at 6:45 - I nursed her and rocked her. She fell asleep in my arms and I tried to lay her back down but she cried so we got up for the day.
Where was I during the night cries? In the guest room, a unisom and a beer in my belly, with white noise drowning out the crying. I highly recommend this. 9 hours straight of sleep. My body is in shock and awe. My brain feels alive for the first time in MONTHS.
Tonight it is my turn. I plan on wearing a high neckline tight top to disallow access to the ladies. Wish me luck--I am definitely not as strong as my husband so I hope I don't buckle. BUT even if I suck at it at least we know she is able to put herself to sleep - she is just stubborn and likes our help.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Thank you! (and a visit to the pumpkin patch)
It was good to hear your sleep struggles and to get suggestions. Thank you very much. Last night I was so tired - and she was sacked out on her daddy's chest after a trying day at the pumpkin patch - so I just took her to bed with me. We both slept pretty good - I did have to whip one out a few times but I barely roused for that. :-) My DH and I are planning on night weaning "in a few days when we are not so tired". LOL. Before her 1st birthday is my goal.
Here are a few pics from the pumpkin patch!
Here are a few pics from the pumpkin patch!
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
SLEEP
The one and only thing I have been consitently worried about, the only thing that makes me cry, the thing that stresses my marriage and my ability to be a good mother - sleep. Or lack thereof.
I'm sure it's my fault. I think my husband thinks that. I am fairly certain my in-laws think that.
We exclusively breastfeed (in case you missed my novel on the subject yesterday!). The first few weeks into the first few months the experts recommend feeding on demand. It's good for the baby and good for your supply. That means if the newborn wants to nurse every hour all night long you do it. I actually handled this pretty well. I mean every newborn is up all night right?
My struggle is our 10 month old nurses 2-3 times a night still. Or like last night - 6 times. SIX.
My mom said she is probably going through a growth spurt, she just learned to walk and is getting a new tooth and that disrupts sleep and makes them seek comfort. Ok yes I know that is a possibility. But it has been going on for 2+weeks now. AAAAHHHHH
From birth - 6 months she slept in bed with us all night every night, and actually took almost all of her naps in our arms. She would wake up anytime we laid her down. I didn't really mind and neither did my husband. We put the glider in the living room and would watch tv on mute with subtitles while she slept.
At 6 months something changed and she wouldn't wake up when laid down. ALLELUIA! She was able to be put in her pack n play for naps, sometimes even her crib althought that seemed to be more difficult.
Starting at 9 months we got her in her crib for most naps and in her crib for the first shift of the night. Usually from 8/9ish-12/1ish. Almost always a 4 hour stretch. When she wakes up crying I bring her to our bed, nurse her, and she used to sleep until morning. Lately I bring her to my bed, she nurses and falls asleep, and then tries to nurse every hour or so. Last night I slept with my breasts both hanging out and she snacked while I slept.
I think I know what I need to do. Try to get her to stay in the crib all night long. I wouldn't be adverse to letting her fuss/cry a little when she wakes up to see if she will get herself back down but the second she wakes up she jumps up, dances back and forth while holding on to the side, and yells. That is not restful behavior.
Tonight I am going to try to just rock her back to sleep and get her back into her crib when she wakes at about midnight. The problem is I'm lazy and have never fully wakened myself in the night to soothe a baby - co-sleeping means I have comforted her half-asleep all these months.
I guess I don't really have any questions, I just wanted to vent. I don't want to set my daughter up for failure in sleep habits in the future. We have made HUGE strides - she can sleep by herself. She cannot soothe herself to sleep however. I never did the whole "put them in the crib drowsy but awake" thing. I tried it the other day and she jumped up and laughed. Is she going to be damaged from this?
Mostly I want to hear stories about your struggles. Misery loves company and I need some.
I just told the abbreviated version of this to a friend at work and she told me all her kids slept through the night at 8 weeks. Umm yeah, that is very helpful. Thanks so much.
I'm sure it's my fault. I think my husband thinks that. I am fairly certain my in-laws think that.
We exclusively breastfeed (in case you missed my novel on the subject yesterday!). The first few weeks into the first few months the experts recommend feeding on demand. It's good for the baby and good for your supply. That means if the newborn wants to nurse every hour all night long you do it. I actually handled this pretty well. I mean every newborn is up all night right?
My struggle is our 10 month old nurses 2-3 times a night still. Or like last night - 6 times. SIX.
My mom said she is probably going through a growth spurt, she just learned to walk and is getting a new tooth and that disrupts sleep and makes them seek comfort. Ok yes I know that is a possibility. But it has been going on for 2+weeks now. AAAAHHHHH
From birth - 6 months she slept in bed with us all night every night, and actually took almost all of her naps in our arms. She would wake up anytime we laid her down. I didn't really mind and neither did my husband. We put the glider in the living room and would watch tv on mute with subtitles while she slept.
At 6 months something changed and she wouldn't wake up when laid down. ALLELUIA! She was able to be put in her pack n play for naps, sometimes even her crib althought that seemed to be more difficult.
Starting at 9 months we got her in her crib for most naps and in her crib for the first shift of the night. Usually from 8/9ish-12/1ish. Almost always a 4 hour stretch. When she wakes up crying I bring her to our bed, nurse her, and she used to sleep until morning. Lately I bring her to my bed, she nurses and falls asleep, and then tries to nurse every hour or so. Last night I slept with my breasts both hanging out and she snacked while I slept.
I think I know what I need to do. Try to get her to stay in the crib all night long. I wouldn't be adverse to letting her fuss/cry a little when she wakes up to see if she will get herself back down but the second she wakes up she jumps up, dances back and forth while holding on to the side, and yells. That is not restful behavior.
Tonight I am going to try to just rock her back to sleep and get her back into her crib when she wakes at about midnight. The problem is I'm lazy and have never fully wakened myself in the night to soothe a baby - co-sleeping means I have comforted her half-asleep all these months.
I guess I don't really have any questions, I just wanted to vent. I don't want to set my daughter up for failure in sleep habits in the future. We have made HUGE strides - she can sleep by herself. She cannot soothe herself to sleep however. I never did the whole "put them in the crib drowsy but awake" thing. I tried it the other day and she jumped up and laughed. Is she going to be damaged from this?
Mostly I want to hear stories about your struggles. Misery loves company and I need some.
I just told the abbreviated version of this to a friend at work and she told me all her kids slept through the night at 8 weeks. Umm yeah, that is very helpful. Thanks so much.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Thoughts on breast feeding a 10 month old+
To start this post I want to state that I think formula is a fine choice, babies grow up healthy on it, and moms who choose (or are forced to choose) to give their babies formula are wonderful mothers.
Our breastfeeding journey was tumultuous at first and since has been fairly smooth sailing. And I feel that any bumps in the road are completely and utterly worth the benefits to both me and my baby.
Day 1- I was on a mag drip, recovering from a 12 hour induction turned emergency c-section. They brought me my premature 5lb 12oz baby girl and tried to get her latched on the breast. This was still in the recovery phase after the surgery I believe (mag makes everything blurry and hard to remember). As her lips were coming at my nipples I saw that the nurse had taped these straw like things to my breast. I said, "Is that formula?". She pulled the baby away (probably sensing that I was not ok with this plan, actually probably deciding then and there that I was a LACTIVIST) and said, "With premature babies like yours they don't have a proper suck reflex. We have standing orders to add formula to get them interested." Standing orders people. DON'T TELL THE MOTHERS! I mean seriously! I know it (almost definintely) wouldn't have hurt her but the lack of communication astounded me.
The nurse then untaped the formula straws and helped me get Pipsqueak latched on. Which she did very well thank you very much!! Everyone was impressed with her suck reflex. HAHA! Point one for my babe! (I was unbelievably proud of her)
Days 2-4 - My milk was not yet coming in. Since she had been rushed to NICU blue, not breathing and limp with an Apgar of 2 (read THIS POST for all of the gory details) she had an IV in her hand and had been receiving iv fluids with a small amount of glucose in them. They took out the IV on day 3 I believe. Day 4 my milk still wasn't really in (it takes longer for C-section moms!) so they kept checking her blood sugar, telling me she would need formula if it dropped. Obviously I verbalized my displeasure with that plan. Well her blood sugar stayed in the 80s. (Again I was as proud of her as if she had won the Nobel Prize). Her pediatrician came by and told me she had a borderline high bilirubin. I forget the number exactly but it was barely high at all. He said they'd recheck it in the morning and if it went up it would be no big deal - just a day under the bili lights.
Day 5 - This was the day I was put to the test. At 5am my night nurse came in and told me her bilirubin had risen (still not that high, maybe 14?) and she would have to have formula. I freaked - in that way that only hormonally charged new mothers can freak. I cried so hard I literally lost my breath with choking. I told her the pediatrician hadn't said that, and that I absolutely refused to consent to fomula. I made my husband go home and get my mom and bring her back to the hospital - poor woman, after 3 nights in the hospital with me she was finally sleeping in a bed and not a rocking chair and I interrupted it. Sorry Mom!
You may be asking yourself why the fuck I was so hellbent on refusing formula. It's kind of funny, if it happened right now I may just let them give her a bottle to shut them up but I had just finished reading a book about breastfeeding - 7 simple laws for breastfeeding - and it just stuck in my mind. Any introduction of formula can increase the chance for food allergies, can decrease my supply etc. I was really worked up. I think the biggest reason was so much of this pregnancy was out of my hands - the conception, the bed rest, scary high blood pressure, induction and csection. THIS was something I could control damn it!
The on-call ped that day was a BIATCH. I so missed the nice gentleman from the previous days. She pretty much lectured us for 20 minutes. Even said, "In some cases we get a court order for a feeding tube". My husband replied, "is that a threat?". That shut her up. I mean REALLY. She was dumb. Either that or she had formula fed her children (which is FINE!) and felt defensive. I don't know. I can say that I really wanted to call her up a few days later when the news reports came out about some newborns dying from tainted formula. Man oh man did I want to talk to her about that.
We had the baby under the bili lights that day constantly for 12 hours other than for 30 min feeds every 3 hours. There was all this talk about DEHYDRATION and SHE MUST PEE or she will need another IV or FORMULA because YOUR MILK HASN'T COME IN ENOUGH. Big words from small people. Luckily my milk began to come in in earnest. I also had a couple of caring nurses who helped me pump and syringe feed breast milk after she was done nursing. She kept peeing and the lights lowered her bili. WIN!
Once we got home things were WAY easier. Less stressful and more calming which helped. There was a 2-3 week period where I gave pumped milk exclusively because I thought she was having nippled confusion but it actually ended up being reflux.
At 10+ months I can say the only drawback at this point is I think sleep is more challenging with an exclusively breastfed infant. She wants comfort in the night and the most comforting thing on the planet evidently is my tits. Who knew? I plan on a whole sleep post soon so I will go into details later.
I plan on continuing breast feeding at least til a year, hopefully longer. We have talked about maybe trying IVF again next summer so that would mean weaning her in spring I suppose. For now I am not thinking about it too much. My ped told me that she can have some whole milk starting at 10 months so I am relieved that the pressure of my frozen stash is going away. It is down to only about 20 oz so it's nice to know my husband can supplement with milk while I'm at work (but I hope to hold off til 12 months for this).
Here is a quick list of the positives I have experienced with breastfeeding this past year:
-weight loss
-my cholesterol and triglycerides have lowered considerably (from high normal to perfect)
-my good cholesterol has risen
-my daughter has not had a single cold or illness
It is not always easy, and at times can feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders but I think it's worth it. The days of pumping in a closet space at work will soon be behind me but I think the positive health results will last both Pipsqueak and I for years to come. (that ended sappily I am sorry. Also I am sorry for the length of this post. WOWZERS)
Our breastfeeding journey was tumultuous at first and since has been fairly smooth sailing. And I feel that any bumps in the road are completely and utterly worth the benefits to both me and my baby.
Day 1- I was on a mag drip, recovering from a 12 hour induction turned emergency c-section. They brought me my premature 5lb 12oz baby girl and tried to get her latched on the breast. This was still in the recovery phase after the surgery I believe (mag makes everything blurry and hard to remember). As her lips were coming at my nipples I saw that the nurse had taped these straw like things to my breast. I said, "Is that formula?". She pulled the baby away (probably sensing that I was not ok with this plan, actually probably deciding then and there that I was a LACTIVIST) and said, "With premature babies like yours they don't have a proper suck reflex. We have standing orders to add formula to get them interested." Standing orders people. DON'T TELL THE MOTHERS! I mean seriously! I know it (almost definintely) wouldn't have hurt her but the lack of communication astounded me.
The nurse then untaped the formula straws and helped me get Pipsqueak latched on. Which she did very well thank you very much!! Everyone was impressed with her suck reflex. HAHA! Point one for my babe! (I was unbelievably proud of her)
Days 2-4 - My milk was not yet coming in. Since she had been rushed to NICU blue, not breathing and limp with an Apgar of 2 (read THIS POST for all of the gory details) she had an IV in her hand and had been receiving iv fluids with a small amount of glucose in them. They took out the IV on day 3 I believe. Day 4 my milk still wasn't really in (it takes longer for C-section moms!) so they kept checking her blood sugar, telling me she would need formula if it dropped. Obviously I verbalized my displeasure with that plan. Well her blood sugar stayed in the 80s. (Again I was as proud of her as if she had won the Nobel Prize). Her pediatrician came by and told me she had a borderline high bilirubin. I forget the number exactly but it was barely high at all. He said they'd recheck it in the morning and if it went up it would be no big deal - just a day under the bili lights.
Day 5 - This was the day I was put to the test. At 5am my night nurse came in and told me her bilirubin had risen (still not that high, maybe 14?) and she would have to have formula. I freaked - in that way that only hormonally charged new mothers can freak. I cried so hard I literally lost my breath with choking. I told her the pediatrician hadn't said that, and that I absolutely refused to consent to fomula. I made my husband go home and get my mom and bring her back to the hospital - poor woman, after 3 nights in the hospital with me she was finally sleeping in a bed and not a rocking chair and I interrupted it. Sorry Mom!
You may be asking yourself why the fuck I was so hellbent on refusing formula. It's kind of funny, if it happened right now I may just let them give her a bottle to shut them up but I had just finished reading a book about breastfeeding - 7 simple laws for breastfeeding - and it just stuck in my mind. Any introduction of formula can increase the chance for food allergies, can decrease my supply etc. I was really worked up. I think the biggest reason was so much of this pregnancy was out of my hands - the conception, the bed rest, scary high blood pressure, induction and csection. THIS was something I could control damn it!
The on-call ped that day was a BIATCH. I so missed the nice gentleman from the previous days. She pretty much lectured us for 20 minutes. Even said, "In some cases we get a court order for a feeding tube". My husband replied, "is that a threat?". That shut her up. I mean REALLY. She was dumb. Either that or she had formula fed her children (which is FINE!) and felt defensive. I don't know. I can say that I really wanted to call her up a few days later when the news reports came out about some newborns dying from tainted formula. Man oh man did I want to talk to her about that.
We had the baby under the bili lights that day constantly for 12 hours other than for 30 min feeds every 3 hours. There was all this talk about DEHYDRATION and SHE MUST PEE or she will need another IV or FORMULA because YOUR MILK HASN'T COME IN ENOUGH. Big words from small people. Luckily my milk began to come in in earnest. I also had a couple of caring nurses who helped me pump and syringe feed breast milk after she was done nursing. She kept peeing and the lights lowered her bili. WIN!
Once we got home things were WAY easier. Less stressful and more calming which helped. There was a 2-3 week period where I gave pumped milk exclusively because I thought she was having nippled confusion but it actually ended up being reflux.
At 10+ months I can say the only drawback at this point is I think sleep is more challenging with an exclusively breastfed infant. She wants comfort in the night and the most comforting thing on the planet evidently is my tits. Who knew? I plan on a whole sleep post soon so I will go into details later.
I plan on continuing breast feeding at least til a year, hopefully longer. We have talked about maybe trying IVF again next summer so that would mean weaning her in spring I suppose. For now I am not thinking about it too much. My ped told me that she can have some whole milk starting at 10 months so I am relieved that the pressure of my frozen stash is going away. It is down to only about 20 oz so it's nice to know my husband can supplement with milk while I'm at work (but I hope to hold off til 12 months for this).
Here is a quick list of the positives I have experienced with breastfeeding this past year:
-weight loss
-my cholesterol and triglycerides have lowered considerably (from high normal to perfect)
-my good cholesterol has risen
-my daughter has not had a single cold or illness
It is not always easy, and at times can feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders but I think it's worth it. The days of pumping in a closet space at work will soon be behind me but I think the positive health results will last both Pipsqueak and I for years to come. (that ended sappily I am sorry. Also I am sorry for the length of this post. WOWZERS)
Sunday, October 21, 2012
ICLW October
Wow I haven't done an ICLW in forevs. I've been reading a lot of blogs lately so it seemed as good a time as any!!
Quick recap of our story:
Tried naturally for a year with no luck.
Diagnosed with severe male factor infertility in April 2010.
Debated IVF vs donor IUI ad nauseum.
Moved forward with IVF in April 2011 and were blessedly successful. Did note a borderline high FSH (11.something) which has me worried for the future.
Our daughter Pipsqueak was born via emergency c-section at 35 weeks. Pregnancy included pre-eclampsia and bed rest for the last 5 weeks. Fun!! All worth it of course.
She is now 10 1/2 months old. We are still breastfeeding and still struggling with all of us getting enough sleep. Discussions are going on regarding trying for a second (no frozen embies so we will need to start over) I plan on writing about all of these topics in the coming week.
Ok back to work now. I hate working on Sundays!! Miss the football games!
Quick recap of our story:
Tried naturally for a year with no luck.
Diagnosed with severe male factor infertility in April 2010.
Debated IVF vs donor IUI ad nauseum.
Moved forward with IVF in April 2011 and were blessedly successful. Did note a borderline high FSH (11.something) which has me worried for the future.
Our daughter Pipsqueak was born via emergency c-section at 35 weeks. Pregnancy included pre-eclampsia and bed rest for the last 5 weeks. Fun!! All worth it of course.
She is now 10 1/2 months old. We are still breastfeeding and still struggling with all of us getting enough sleep. Discussions are going on regarding trying for a second (no frozen embies so we will need to start over) I plan on writing about all of these topics in the coming week.
Ok back to work now. I hate working on Sundays!! Miss the football games!
Monday, September 3, 2012
Crazy
Sleep deprivation makes me crazy (or maybe sane?)
Today I told DH that I do not want to try for another one. That I'm too exhausted and one is enough. I even said, "and God forbid we have twins!" He laughed and said that's the same thing I said when I was exhausted during her newborn stage.
So maybe I should wait awhile before I declare her an only ;-).
Lack of sleep makes everything worse. What's worse is I'm working nights all weekend then will be up with her Tues while DH is at work and I've had no sleep. Pretty sure on Tuesday I will never ever want any more babies. LOL
Today I told DH that I do not want to try for another one. That I'm too exhausted and one is enough. I even said, "and God forbid we have twins!" He laughed and said that's the same thing I said when I was exhausted during her newborn stage.
So maybe I should wait awhile before I declare her an only ;-).
Lack of sleep makes everything worse. What's worse is I'm working nights all weekend then will be up with her Tues while DH is at work and I've had no sleep. Pretty sure on Tuesday I will never ever want any more babies. LOL
Friday, August 31, 2012
Teething
My daughter's first tooth came through the day before she turned 8 months old. She had been an angel that week - even slept all night long twice (the only two times she ever has). I smugly thought that this would be a breeze. Clearly I jinxed myself.
2 days later she was clearly not feeling well. 99.9 temp, fussy, and worst of all waking up crying every 1-2 hours overnight.
2 1/2 weeks later she is still waking ALL. NIGHT. LONG. Last night she slept a 3 hour stretch finally which was miraculous. I've tried Tylenol or Motrin. before bed and in the middle of the night to no avail. We've tried orajel and homeopathic gel. Finally I broke down and bought a Baltic amber teething necklace. She has had it on for 24 hours so far--I hope it makes a difference.
2 days later she was clearly not feeling well. 99.9 temp, fussy, and worst of all waking up crying every 1-2 hours overnight.
2 1/2 weeks later she is still waking ALL. NIGHT. LONG. Last night she slept a 3 hour stretch finally which was miraculous. I've tried Tylenol or Motrin. before bed and in the middle of the night to no avail. We've tried orajel and homeopathic gel. Finally I broke down and bought a Baltic amber teething necklace. She has had it on for 24 hours so far--I hope it makes a difference.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Way to increase sperm quality?
Must. Buy. Walnuts!
http://www.imperfectparent.com/topics/2012/08/19/walnuts-improve-sperm-health-study-shows/
http://www.imperfectparent.com/topics/2012/08/19/walnuts-improve-sperm-health-study-shows/
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
8 months
Pipsqueak turned 8 months yesterday...and celebrated by getting her very first tooth the day before! Yay!!!!!
Her sleep habits have been AMAZING lately. She is sleeping 8 hours in a row without waking at all at night. Naps have all been independent and from 1-3 hours. I feel like we have turned a corner (KNOCK ON WOOD!).
Now if we could just get her into the crib...she is totally hooked on our bed. I joke that we will just keep her with us forever and if we ever have a second baby he or she will use the crib. Haha. Probably true though :-)
We have a lot to look forward to...a trip to CA in Sept for DH's work, a tip to FL and Disneyworld in April with my bro-in-law, sis-in-law and 2 nieces, holiday plans with both of our families, and obviously just enjoying our little ball of energy.
xoxo
Her sleep habits have been AMAZING lately. She is sleeping 8 hours in a row without waking at all at night. Naps have all been independent and from 1-3 hours. I feel like we have turned a corner (KNOCK ON WOOD!).
Now if we could just get her into the crib...she is totally hooked on our bed. I joke that we will just keep her with us forever and if we ever have a second baby he or she will use the crib. Haha. Probably true though :-)
We have a lot to look forward to...a trip to CA in Sept for DH's work, a tip to FL and Disneyworld in April with my bro-in-law, sis-in-law and 2 nieces, holiday plans with both of our families, and obviously just enjoying our little ball of energy.
xoxo
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Preliminary information gathering
We are in the preliminary stages of talking about when we may try IVF again. First we both obviously want to get retested and make sure nothing has gotten worse. Hopefully hubby still has a few swimmers and hopefully my FSH didn't go up...it was randomly high during our IVF cycle, like 11.7 or something. It really stressed me out but then we got 19 eggs retrieved so who knows.
Question - how long after weaning should I wait to a.) get my hormone levels rechecked and b.) start IVF again?
We plan on weaning after her first birthday, so Januaryish. I kinda would like to jump back in and try IVF in March but hubby thinks that is too soon and I guess I concur. We are planning a Disneyworld vacay with family in April so maybe after that, June/July.
Good God it makes me nervous even thinking about it. In my heart of hearts I don't think it will work (I didn't the first time either). But somehow not trying doesn't feel right. If we try and fail then we at least gave it a go.
Question - how long after weaning should I wait to a.) get my hormone levels rechecked and b.) start IVF again?
We plan on weaning after her first birthday, so Januaryish. I kinda would like to jump back in and try IVF in March but hubby thinks that is too soon and I guess I concur. We are planning a Disneyworld vacay with family in April so maybe after that, June/July.
Good God it makes me nervous even thinking about it. In my heart of hearts I don't think it will work (I didn't the first time either). But somehow not trying doesn't feel right. If we try and fail then we at least gave it a go.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Please tell me that 7 months is a normal time for a growth spurt? Last few nights she has been eating several times. Last night:
Fed at 9:30
Fed at 12
Fed at 2
Fed at 6:30
Not ok.
And oh dear lord this heat. Will it ever end?!?!
Luckily we leave for vacation to Washington state tomorrow - high 59 there today! Woohoo!!
Fed at 9:30
Fed at 12
Fed at 2
Fed at 6:30
Not ok.
And oh dear lord this heat. Will it ever end?!?!
Luckily we leave for vacation to Washington state tomorrow - high 59 there today! Woohoo!!
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Sleep update (thank you)
First off thanks to everyone for sounding off on sleep. I knew that everyone probably struggles with this at some point (and if you don't then count your blessings!) and would have some perspective.
One comment really hit home - that there are very few teenagers waking up crying in the night. Thank you Brandy!!! This really lightened my load somehow. I mean, we all figure it out. My mom co-slept and breast fed me until I was 3 (such a rebel in the early 80s! Hi mom!) and she said I then transitioned to my big girl bed and falling asleep on my own. Now I will probably wean pipsqueak sometime soon after her first birthday and try to move her to her crib soon thereafter.
In the meantime I want my little girl to start to learn some self-soothing techniques. One thing I read about is a transitional item? Like a soothie or blankie? Last night we slept in bed together with her stuffed frog in between us. By morning she had tossed it aside and was snuggled up against my back. Lol she loves to snuggle!
But some progress people. First off I did not rock her or embrace her to help her drift off. I put her far away from me in the bed (we have guardrails up) and I turned away from her. She had her paci, her frog and was covered up with a sheet. (holy hell it's hot here!!). She got herself to sleep! She talked to herself, kicked around a little, and then I heard her furiously sucking on the paci. 10 minutes later I use my iPhone light to spy on her and she was sound asleep! Maybe this is no big deal to some but I felt a victory!
We are gonna give her a few days off from the crib. I realized that she has almost never slept in her crib before this week and we let her cry twice in it now. So she is associating her crib with scary and aloneness. In a few days I will restart safe naps there. And maybe let her play in it wide awake? It's got to be a positive experience.
I feel guilty that we tried CIO. This parenting thing is hard!
I did realize one very big positive about having a baby with no strict nap/bed schedule : we can take her to concerts! July 3 we took her to an outdoor Dark Star Orchestra concert. She LOVED it! Total hippie this one! She danced in our arms, hummed along and then fell asleep on her daddy with no drama. We stayed til 11:30!
One comment really hit home - that there are very few teenagers waking up crying in the night. Thank you Brandy!!! This really lightened my load somehow. I mean, we all figure it out. My mom co-slept and breast fed me until I was 3 (such a rebel in the early 80s! Hi mom!) and she said I then transitioned to my big girl bed and falling asleep on my own. Now I will probably wean pipsqueak sometime soon after her first birthday and try to move her to her crib soon thereafter.
In the meantime I want my little girl to start to learn some self-soothing techniques. One thing I read about is a transitional item? Like a soothie or blankie? Last night we slept in bed together with her stuffed frog in between us. By morning she had tossed it aside and was snuggled up against my back. Lol she loves to snuggle!
But some progress people. First off I did not rock her or embrace her to help her drift off. I put her far away from me in the bed (we have guardrails up) and I turned away from her. She had her paci, her frog and was covered up with a sheet. (holy hell it's hot here!!). She got herself to sleep! She talked to herself, kicked around a little, and then I heard her furiously sucking on the paci. 10 minutes later I use my iPhone light to spy on her and she was sound asleep! Maybe this is no big deal to some but I felt a victory!
We are gonna give her a few days off from the crib. I realized that she has almost never slept in her crib before this week and we let her cry twice in it now. So she is associating her crib with scary and aloneness. In a few days I will restart safe naps there. And maybe let her play in it wide awake? It's got to be a positive experience.
I feel guilty that we tried CIO. This parenting thing is hard!
I did realize one very big positive about having a baby with no strict nap/bed schedule : we can take her to concerts! July 3 we took her to an outdoor Dark Star Orchestra concert. She LOVED it! Total hippie this one! She danced in our arms, hummed along and then fell asleep on her daddy with no drama. We stayed til 11:30!
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Advice please!
Sleep - besides the reflux (which seems to be under control thank the Lord) this has been our biggest frustration.
Pipsqueak has never liked sleeping alone. From day one she never slept longer than an hour or so when laid down by herself. When we roomed in at the hospital she cried in her little plastic bassinet almost constantly. At home we used a bassinet, a pack and play, and tried a snuggle nest (BIG WASTE OF $50!). By the end of 2 weeks I was so sleep deprived I was falling asleep in the rocking chair with her in my arms. So I brought her to our bed. My husband was against it but I HAD TO GET SOME SLEEP. And it has worked mostly. Breast feeding is much more convenient when you have your baby right there.
Naps have always been a struggle. She will nap for 2-3 hours if you hold her, but put her down (while she is sound asleep mind you) and you get anywhere from 5 to (rarely) 45 minutes. So for many months I resigned myself to holding her while she slept. This is ok but prevents me from getting anything done.
She absolutely cannot self soothe at all.
We tried cry it out a couple nights ago. I never thought I would try it but we are getting desperate. Every 10 minutes we went in and stroked her head, replaced the paci, told her we were there and quietly stepped out. She was in her crib, snug as a baug, fed, burped, dry, and in a dark room.
SHE WAS PISSED.
She screamed almost every single minute and after an hour and a half we gave up.
Just now I let her cry for a half hour trying to get her down for a nap and she screamed the whole time.
I am not attempting sleep training to try to get her to sleep through the night (although I just read a blog of quads sleeping 12 hours straight at 4 months and damn near killed myself out of jealousy) i just want her to gain some self soothing practice. I mean DAMN.
Any ideas?? The Dr Sears advice is get them completely asleep before you lay them down. I've tried it. She is completely out and limp limbed and everything and still she wakes up minutes later screaming. I've tried CIO and all it seems to do is traumatize her. Last evening we let her kinda sorta cry some but every time she woke my husband would stand by her crib, stroke her hair, and kinda help her soothe back down. He repeated this like 8 times in an hour.
She is waking now every day at like 5:45am. She used to sleep til 11am. She still refuses to go to sleep (even in our arms usually) before 9 or 10. So only like 8 hours at night (and also waking up 2-3 times to nurse in the night). Then yesterday I refused to let her nap anywhere but her crib. She probably cumulatively got only an hour of sleep ALL DAY after only 8 no- consecutive hours of sleep at night. THIS IS NOT HEALTHY!
ALL ADVICE WELCOME!!!!!!
Pipsqueak has never liked sleeping alone. From day one she never slept longer than an hour or so when laid down by herself. When we roomed in at the hospital she cried in her little plastic bassinet almost constantly. At home we used a bassinet, a pack and play, and tried a snuggle nest (BIG WASTE OF $50!). By the end of 2 weeks I was so sleep deprived I was falling asleep in the rocking chair with her in my arms. So I brought her to our bed. My husband was against it but I HAD TO GET SOME SLEEP. And it has worked mostly. Breast feeding is much more convenient when you have your baby right there.
Naps have always been a struggle. She will nap for 2-3 hours if you hold her, but put her down (while she is sound asleep mind you) and you get anywhere from 5 to (rarely) 45 minutes. So for many months I resigned myself to holding her while she slept. This is ok but prevents me from getting anything done.
She absolutely cannot self soothe at all.
We tried cry it out a couple nights ago. I never thought I would try it but we are getting desperate. Every 10 minutes we went in and stroked her head, replaced the paci, told her we were there and quietly stepped out. She was in her crib, snug as a baug, fed, burped, dry, and in a dark room.
SHE WAS PISSED.
She screamed almost every single minute and after an hour and a half we gave up.
Just now I let her cry for a half hour trying to get her down for a nap and she screamed the whole time.
I am not attempting sleep training to try to get her to sleep through the night (although I just read a blog of quads sleeping 12 hours straight at 4 months and damn near killed myself out of jealousy) i just want her to gain some self soothing practice. I mean DAMN.
Any ideas?? The Dr Sears advice is get them completely asleep before you lay them down. I've tried it. She is completely out and limp limbed and everything and still she wakes up minutes later screaming. I've tried CIO and all it seems to do is traumatize her. Last evening we let her kinda sorta cry some but every time she woke my husband would stand by her crib, stroke her hair, and kinda help her soothe back down. He repeated this like 8 times in an hour.
She is waking now every day at like 5:45am. She used to sleep til 11am. She still refuses to go to sleep (even in our arms usually) before 9 or 10. So only like 8 hours at night (and also waking up 2-3 times to nurse in the night). Then yesterday I refused to let her nap anywhere but her crib. She probably cumulatively got only an hour of sleep ALL DAY after only 8 no- consecutive hours of sleep at night. THIS IS NOT HEALTHY!
ALL ADVICE WELCOME!!!!!!
Friday, June 15, 2012
6 months and solid food!
6 months yesterday. This seems like such a huge milestone!
We started rice cereal mixed with breast milk this week. She likes it! Pic below :-)
Just started mashed avocado today. In a few days we will try sweet potatoes. For the avocado I sliced it into 6-8 chunks and froze individual servings in ziploc freezer bags. I bought 3 avocados and this will provide lots of servings!
So far so good. I'm kinda excited to see what effect solid food has on her poops. LOL I may be in need of a life.
Last weekend she reached out and licked my beer bottle (adorable pic below) and that's actually what prompted me to start solids.
Ooh! And this week she has started taking some naps independently!! Yahoo!!
We started rice cereal mixed with breast milk this week. She likes it! Pic below :-)
Just started mashed avocado today. In a few days we will try sweet potatoes. For the avocado I sliced it into 6-8 chunks and froze individual servings in ziploc freezer bags. I bought 3 avocados and this will provide lots of servings!
So far so good. I'm kinda excited to see what effect solid food has on her poops. LOL I may be in need of a life.
Last weekend she reached out and licked my beer bottle (adorable pic below) and that's actually what prompted me to start solids.
Ooh! And this week she has started taking some naps independently!! Yahoo!!
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
What a week
More bad news. Another blog friend is experiencing tragedy. Please visit Leigh and surround her with love. http://hormonacoaster.blogspot.com/?m=1
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Unreal
A Fellow blogger - http://alwayswishhopethinkpray.blogspot.com
Just lost her triplets at 23 weeks. Please keep her in your thoughts an snuggle your babies close.
Wow I suck at posting on iPhone. Sorry. Out of town at in-laws, will regale you with those tales when I get home!
Monday, June 4, 2012
June already?
Seriously where has the time went?? Although some of the days are long the weeks and months fly by!
Pipsqueak is almost 6 months old. We are still exclusively breast feeding and it's going very well! Looking back I really think that any 'nipple confusion' we encountered was actually the reflux rearing it's ugly head. A couple days ago we tried rice cereal just once...she still exhibited the tongue thrust reflex and ended up spitting most of it out. That evening she was then extremely fussy so I've decided to wait a couple of more weeks before trying again. My pediatrician said we MUST start solids before 7 months. Why is this, does anyone know? Mayim Bialik (sp? The Blossom actress and attachment parenting advocate) stated that she didn't start solids until one year. I am not saying I want to wait that long I am just trying to read my baby's cues and don't want to rush things. I am extremely interested in baby led weaning but am also intimidated. Any thoughts?
We are still co-sleeping at night, now exclusively. She usually sleeps anywhere from 4-7 hours straight for the first stretch then usually 3-4 hours.
Naps are a struggle. Well not a struggle at all when I embrace the attachment parenting side of me and hold her while she naps. In fact that's what I'm doing right now! She is in nursing position on the boppy with a pacifier and sound asleep. I could lay her down and she will stay asleep but she naps so much less longer when alone. And over tired baby = major crabbiness in the evenings!!! So usually I just read blogs, cruise Facebook and play games on my iPhone while she naps. I think my in-laws think I'm crazy. I figure she will only be this small for a little while so I'm going to enjoy the snuggle time while I can.
She plays independently with her Johnny Jump Up, excersaucer and play mat for anywhere from 10-30 minutes-that's when I get housework done.
Reflux seems MUCH better!!! To recap she started out on Zantac, then Axid, then Prilosec...a few weeks ago the pharmacy called and said Prilosec is unavailable for awhile...so we were switched to Nexium which seems to be helping a lot!! Yay!!!!!!
So life is good. This blog is becoming horribly boring I know. I will always keep it up because if we ever ttc again I will definitely need a place to communicate. Also I know when I was going through everything to get here I read through so many blogs to educate me so maybe someone can learn something from my story.
Have a great summer everyone!
Pipsqueak is almost 6 months old. We are still exclusively breast feeding and it's going very well! Looking back I really think that any 'nipple confusion' we encountered was actually the reflux rearing it's ugly head. A couple days ago we tried rice cereal just once...she still exhibited the tongue thrust reflex and ended up spitting most of it out. That evening she was then extremely fussy so I've decided to wait a couple of more weeks before trying again. My pediatrician said we MUST start solids before 7 months. Why is this, does anyone know? Mayim Bialik (sp? The Blossom actress and attachment parenting advocate) stated that she didn't start solids until one year. I am not saying I want to wait that long I am just trying to read my baby's cues and don't want to rush things. I am extremely interested in baby led weaning but am also intimidated. Any thoughts?
We are still co-sleeping at night, now exclusively. She usually sleeps anywhere from 4-7 hours straight for the first stretch then usually 3-4 hours.
Naps are a struggle. Well not a struggle at all when I embrace the attachment parenting side of me and hold her while she naps. In fact that's what I'm doing right now! She is in nursing position on the boppy with a pacifier and sound asleep. I could lay her down and she will stay asleep but she naps so much less longer when alone. And over tired baby = major crabbiness in the evenings!!! So usually I just read blogs, cruise Facebook and play games on my iPhone while she naps. I think my in-laws think I'm crazy. I figure she will only be this small for a little while so I'm going to enjoy the snuggle time while I can.
She plays independently with her Johnny Jump Up, excersaucer and play mat for anywhere from 10-30 minutes-that's when I get housework done.
Reflux seems MUCH better!!! To recap she started out on Zantac, then Axid, then Prilosec...a few weeks ago the pharmacy called and said Prilosec is unavailable for awhile...so we were switched to Nexium which seems to be helping a lot!! Yay!!!!!!
So life is good. This blog is becoming horribly boring I know. I will always keep it up because if we ever ttc again I will definitely need a place to communicate. Also I know when I was going through everything to get here I read through so many blogs to educate me so maybe someone can learn something from my story.
Have a great summer everyone!
Saturday, April 21, 2012
What a difference a year makes..
Pipsqueak,
Egg retrieval (thus conception) of you,
My darling baby girl, was one year ago today. Out of nineteen eggs retrieved we were left with one perfect embryo. I love you baby. You are more than I could ever ask for - you are all I need.
Love,
Momma
Friday, April 13, 2012
4 months
We are officially doing the Prilosec twice a day now...here's hoping it helps!!!
Here is a pic from her 4 month photo shoot today (4 months tomorrow but I work all weekend so did the pictures today). She was not in a smiling mood!
Here is a pic from her 4 month photo shoot today (4 months tomorrow but I work all weekend so did the pictures today). She was not in a smiling mood!
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Damn reflux!
Every once in awhile (maybe once a week) Pipsqueak has a great day/night - eats great, doesn't cry constantly and naps like a champ. The other 6 days a week she is in pain. Arching her back while eating, crying, refusing to nap for very long and just generally fussy. She does smile and laugh a lot but is seemingly always on the verge of a breakdown. It's so hard seeing her in pain.
We saw a pediatric gi specialist last week and she was switched to 3ml Prilosec once daily. She told me that if after a week it wasn't helping then we would go to twice daily, then if after 2-3 more weeks it hasn't helped then she will be switched back to Axid or Zantac as they have been more thoroughly studied in infants.
Today is day 8 and she is as bad as ever. I talked to the dr's nurse and she said she will talk with the dr and call me back tomorrow.
Pipsqueak continues to sleep well at night thank God. Otherwise I would lose it!
Anyone use Prilosec (omeprazole) for their babies before? Online it says 14 days before it kicks in. Fingers crossed!!
She is 16 weeks old tomorrow. She is THISCLOSE to rolling over on her own, smiles and laughs easily, grabs and bats at toys, plays in her excersaucer, drools and slobbers on everything and is basically perfect - it just makes me miserable to see her in pain.
We saw a pediatric gi specialist last week and she was switched to 3ml Prilosec once daily. She told me that if after a week it wasn't helping then we would go to twice daily, then if after 2-3 more weeks it hasn't helped then she will be switched back to Axid or Zantac as they have been more thoroughly studied in infants.
Today is day 8 and she is as bad as ever. I talked to the dr's nurse and she said she will talk with the dr and call me back tomorrow.
Pipsqueak continues to sleep well at night thank God. Otherwise I would lose it!
Anyone use Prilosec (omeprazole) for their babies before? Online it says 14 days before it kicks in. Fingers crossed!!
She is 16 weeks old tomorrow. She is THISCLOSE to rolling over on her own, smiles and laughs easily, grabs and bats at toys, plays in her excersaucer, drools and slobbers on everything and is basically perfect - it just makes me miserable to see her in pain.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Ramblings
I told my hubby yesterday if I could snap my fingers and be pregnant right now I would. Clearly I am suffering from some sort of baby love addiction and need professional help.
I heard "I Will Survive", the Cake version, recently and it kinda sums up how I feel about infertility/pregnancy hunger right now. I never thought it would come back so soon. (I should've changed my fucking locks) BUT I am also putting 99.9% of my energy toward my baby, and really only the .1% toward thoughts of IF (now I'm saving all my lovin for someone who's lovin me). Okay wow that was cheesy.
We have an appt today with a pediatric GI specialist. She is still diagnosed as having acid reflux and was switched from Zantac to Axid 3 weeks ago. She was on probiotics for 3 weeks with no improvement, we use Colief drops for possible lactase problems with every feed and she still cries at maybe 1/4 of her feedings. Seeing as how it is almost always the evening feeds I sense it is more colic than reflux. But we shall see what the expert says today. Pipsqueak is 3 1/2 months and colic is supposed to get better at 3-4 months so here is hoping!!!
She is napping right now in her swing. Her naps are all over the place - her favorite place to nap by far is in our arms/lap :). She sometimes naps in her crib, sometimes her pack and play, and often just on the couch near us. We are pretty much exclusively co-sleeping at night. She often goes 6-7 hrs btwn feeds at night but recently is eating every 4-5 at night (growth spurt maybe?). I have recently finally figured out how to nurse while lying down. - what a lifesaver!
Still doing exclusive breast milk. She nurses when I'm home and gets bottles when I'm working. Supply is good although I have been taking fenugreek for the past couple of weeks. TMI perhaps but my period started back at 7 weeks postpartum (I was pissed!) and I then had another 26 days later. Guess my body is ready for another one too ;)? Anyway hormone fluctuations during your period can decrease supply and I definitely noticed that. Fenugreek is helping though. During that time I take 3 capsules 3 times a day. I also take thy much when I'm working a 12 hr shift. Or when I just feel low.
She is 15 weeks tomorrow and I simply adore this stage. She is beginning to be able to 'play'. She loves her activity mat - its adorable watching her bat at her toys! Her excersaucer is a hit (although she is still kinda small in it) and she is unsure about her Johnny Jump up - not supposed to use it until 4 months so she will probably get better at it but check out this pic -
She was just sucking on the fabric and tiptoeing around. It was hilarious!
Love to all. Big shout out to some recent BFPs - Leigh and Tina congratulations!!! For everyone cycling now or soon my fingers are crossed or you!
Xoxo
I heard "I Will Survive", the Cake version, recently and it kinda sums up how I feel about infertility/pregnancy hunger right now. I never thought it would come back so soon. (I should've changed my fucking locks) BUT I am also putting 99.9% of my energy toward my baby, and really only the .1% toward thoughts of IF (now I'm saving all my lovin for someone who's lovin me). Okay wow that was cheesy.
We have an appt today with a pediatric GI specialist. She is still diagnosed as having acid reflux and was switched from Zantac to Axid 3 weeks ago. She was on probiotics for 3 weeks with no improvement, we use Colief drops for possible lactase problems with every feed and she still cries at maybe 1/4 of her feedings. Seeing as how it is almost always the evening feeds I sense it is more colic than reflux. But we shall see what the expert says today. Pipsqueak is 3 1/2 months and colic is supposed to get better at 3-4 months so here is hoping!!!
She is napping right now in her swing. Her naps are all over the place - her favorite place to nap by far is in our arms/lap :). She sometimes naps in her crib, sometimes her pack and play, and often just on the couch near us. We are pretty much exclusively co-sleeping at night. She often goes 6-7 hrs btwn feeds at night but recently is eating every 4-5 at night (growth spurt maybe?). I have recently finally figured out how to nurse while lying down. - what a lifesaver!
Still doing exclusive breast milk. She nurses when I'm home and gets bottles when I'm working. Supply is good although I have been taking fenugreek for the past couple of weeks. TMI perhaps but my period started back at 7 weeks postpartum (I was pissed!) and I then had another 26 days later. Guess my body is ready for another one too ;)? Anyway hormone fluctuations during your period can decrease supply and I definitely noticed that. Fenugreek is helping though. During that time I take 3 capsules 3 times a day. I also take thy much when I'm working a 12 hr shift. Or when I just feel low.
She is 15 weeks tomorrow and I simply adore this stage. She is beginning to be able to 'play'. She loves her activity mat - its adorable watching her bat at her toys! Her excersaucer is a hit (although she is still kinda small in it) and she is unsure about her Johnny Jump up - not supposed to use it until 4 months so she will probably get better at it but check out this pic -
She was just sucking on the fabric and tiptoeing around. It was hilarious!
Love to all. Big shout out to some recent BFPs - Leigh and Tina congratulations!!! For everyone cycling now or soon my fingers are crossed or you!
Xoxo
Thursday, March 22, 2012
A year ago..
A year ago yesterday was the day I called the RE and my husband and I decided to move forward with IVF...several months earlier than we had planned.
A year ago today was my first appt, and day one of bcp.I can't believe it's been a year. As some of you may remember I was pretty sure that it wasn't going to work. My attitude wasn't exactly negative, I was (I thought) just being realistic and trying to protect myself. I tried not to get my hopes up. I was adamant about doing only one cycle..and if it didn't work I was going to embrace being a DINK. (obviously I have no idea what I really would have done but I really really didn't want to go through IVF again). The night before I POAS I spent about 4 hours on the Internet researching travel to New Zealand..I was so certain the cramps I felt were AF getting ready to start and I had to focus on the future and being childless.The BFP was the biggest shock of my life. Seriously I couldn't have been more shocked...I know it sounds stupid but there it is.
I remember POAS upstairs in my bathroom and seeing the blank white where the test line should be. I was not surprised, and really not even that sad. It was 6dp5dt and I pretty much knew that I should have a positive this day if it had worked. I took the test with me downstairs and was looking through the fridge for something to eat. I turned around and looked at the test on my kitchen counter and it literally took my breath away. There was a faint 2nd line. I called my mom up and said, "I think I might be pregnant". I was shaking. I emailed her a picture and she said I definitely was. I called my hubby and he was so excited! I remained in shock the rest of the day.
It became real when we saw the heartbeat on the ultrasound screen. I (naively) was pretty unafraid of miscarriage after that point. In retrospect I can't believe I wasn't terrified. If I had protected my heart while waiting for the pregnancy test result I certainly was protecting nothing anymore - my hopes were sky high and I would have been devastated had anything happened to the pregnancy.
During the bad morning sickness, the scary pre-eclampsia, the strict on my side 5 weeks of bed rest, the horrible induction with emergency c-section, and the extreme sleep deprivation of the first 6 weeks I was adamant that she would be our "only". I was never going to do this again. We got lucky with IVF working the first time - we have no frozen embryos and I took that as a sign. Out of 19 eggs retrieved we ended up with one perfect embryo (assuming our baby is the 5aa and not the 1bb). But. Now that I have a smiling, laughing 3 month old I am having some disturbing thoughts - I'd like another please. My husband is on board - he has always wanted at least two. But I don't know - it is so overwhelming to even think about. Was my second FSH level that came back elevated indicative of a decreased fertility on my part? Could we ever afford IVF again?
It is easier to just imagine that we are done. I can't fathom IVF while having a baby/toddler. Also morning sickness? God forbid bed rest?
Maybe we should stop while we're ahead.
Then I think "Thank God we did IVF when we did, or she wouldn't be here". "Thank God we picked the RE we did or she wouldn't be here". "Thank God the embryologist picked the sperm she did to inject or she wouldn't be here". You get the picture. A lot of thanking God when I'm not even a religious person.
So what if deciding that we are done means a child of ours that is meant to be doesn't get a chance? What if we had decided not to do IVF? Pipsqueak wouldn't be here. That kills me.
So how do you know when you're done?
A year ago today was my first appt, and day one of bcp.I can't believe it's been a year. As some of you may remember I was pretty sure that it wasn't going to work. My attitude wasn't exactly negative, I was (I thought) just being realistic and trying to protect myself. I tried not to get my hopes up. I was adamant about doing only one cycle..and if it didn't work I was going to embrace being a DINK. (obviously I have no idea what I really would have done but I really really didn't want to go through IVF again). The night before I POAS I spent about 4 hours on the Internet researching travel to New Zealand..I was so certain the cramps I felt were AF getting ready to start and I had to focus on the future and being childless.The BFP was the biggest shock of my life. Seriously I couldn't have been more shocked...I know it sounds stupid but there it is.
I remember POAS upstairs in my bathroom and seeing the blank white where the test line should be. I was not surprised, and really not even that sad. It was 6dp5dt and I pretty much knew that I should have a positive this day if it had worked. I took the test with me downstairs and was looking through the fridge for something to eat. I turned around and looked at the test on my kitchen counter and it literally took my breath away. There was a faint 2nd line. I called my mom up and said, "I think I might be pregnant". I was shaking. I emailed her a picture and she said I definitely was. I called my hubby and he was so excited! I remained in shock the rest of the day.
It became real when we saw the heartbeat on the ultrasound screen. I (naively) was pretty unafraid of miscarriage after that point. In retrospect I can't believe I wasn't terrified. If I had protected my heart while waiting for the pregnancy test result I certainly was protecting nothing anymore - my hopes were sky high and I would have been devastated had anything happened to the pregnancy.
During the bad morning sickness, the scary pre-eclampsia, the strict on my side 5 weeks of bed rest, the horrible induction with emergency c-section, and the extreme sleep deprivation of the first 6 weeks I was adamant that she would be our "only". I was never going to do this again. We got lucky with IVF working the first time - we have no frozen embryos and I took that as a sign. Out of 19 eggs retrieved we ended up with one perfect embryo (assuming our baby is the 5aa and not the 1bb). But. Now that I have a smiling, laughing 3 month old I am having some disturbing thoughts - I'd like another please. My husband is on board - he has always wanted at least two. But I don't know - it is so overwhelming to even think about. Was my second FSH level that came back elevated indicative of a decreased fertility on my part? Could we ever afford IVF again?
It is easier to just imagine that we are done. I can't fathom IVF while having a baby/toddler. Also morning sickness? God forbid bed rest?
Maybe we should stop while we're ahead.
Then I think "Thank God we did IVF when we did, or she wouldn't be here". "Thank God we picked the RE we did or she wouldn't be here". "Thank God the embryologist picked the sperm she did to inject or she wouldn't be here". You get the picture. A lot of thanking God when I'm not even a religious person.
So what if deciding that we are done means a child of ours that is meant to be doesn't get a chance? What if we had decided not to do IVF? Pipsqueak wouldn't be here. That kills me.
So how do you know when you're done?
Friday, March 2, 2012
Nursery pic
I want to put an asterisk at the end of the quote with a footnote stating "and pursued A.R.T."
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Reflux
Poor baby has reflux!
The last few weeks Pipsqueak has been crying while she eats for at least one feeding a day. I thought we were dealing with some nipple confusion - that's why I had switched to mostly bottles. This last week however, she developed a high pitched IN PAIN cry while eating and was grunting all night long even in her sleep.
We took her into urgent care Wednesday night and they diagnosed her with reflux. Since then she has been on zantac twice daily. We are also feeding her while upright (and I'm back to primarily breast feeding so I'm sore from the contortionist moves I'v e been making!), she's sleeping on an incline (we are still mostly co-sleeping so I have raised the head of our bed by placing a rolled up comforter between the mattress and the box spring) and we are also doing gas drops before every feeding.
Yesterday during the day I felt like she was feeling much better. She actually had a long 2 hour stretch of being awake and not fussy in the afternoon (unheard of!). I was able to lay her down for naps (last week she cried whenever she was by herself. Then around 7pm she was crying through her entire meal - she was desperately hungry - rooting around, etc - but cried at breast and bottle. I got about one ounce in her and then soothed her to sleep with a paci and white noise. 2 hours later she took the bottle fine.
I so hope this med helps. It takes up to a week to work. We have her 8 week check up Friday so if it hasn't worked by then I am gonna demand something else. I can't stand seeing her face fall as she realizes that eating makes her hurt. It breaks my heart!!
Anything else I should be doing to help her?? I've also been bicycling her legs to help gas escape.
On a brighter note she weighed 10.02 lbs on Wednesday so she is growing like a weed! Only 1 lb and 8 oz to go to double her birth weight!
The last few weeks Pipsqueak has been crying while she eats for at least one feeding a day. I thought we were dealing with some nipple confusion - that's why I had switched to mostly bottles. This last week however, she developed a high pitched IN PAIN cry while eating and was grunting all night long even in her sleep.
We took her into urgent care Wednesday night and they diagnosed her with reflux. Since then she has been on zantac twice daily. We are also feeding her while upright (and I'm back to primarily breast feeding so I'm sore from the contortionist moves I'v e been making!), she's sleeping on an incline (we are still mostly co-sleeping so I have raised the head of our bed by placing a rolled up comforter between the mattress and the box spring) and we are also doing gas drops before every feeding.
Yesterday during the day I felt like she was feeling much better. She actually had a long 2 hour stretch of being awake and not fussy in the afternoon (unheard of!). I was able to lay her down for naps (last week she cried whenever she was by herself. Then around 7pm she was crying through her entire meal - she was desperately hungry - rooting around, etc - but cried at breast and bottle. I got about one ounce in her and then soothed her to sleep with a paci and white noise. 2 hours later she took the bottle fine.
I so hope this med helps. It takes up to a week to work. We have her 8 week check up Friday so if it hasn't worked by then I am gonna demand something else. I can't stand seeing her face fall as she realizes that eating makes her hurt. It breaks my heart!!
Anything else I should be doing to help her?? I've also been bicycling her legs to help gas escape.
On a brighter note she weighed 10.02 lbs on Wednesday so she is growing like a weed! Only 1 lb and 8 oz to go to double her birth weight!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
7 weeks
As of 7 weeks she is:
- sleeping 3-4.5 hours at a time at night consistently while in bed with us (less if in her bassinet). We go upstairs about 10pm, have a bottle and go to sleep. She then awakens around 2-3am for a bottle and diaper change, and then up again around 6 or 6:30. We then head downstairs where she naps pretty much until about 10am.
- eating almost exclusively from a bottle (I am pumping, maybe we introduced the bottle too early bc I think we are dealing with nipple confusion. Since I go back to work in 3 weeks it is more important at this point for her to have bottle skills so we may be saying goodbye to the breast completely :( )
- smiling consciously at objects and just starting to laugh!
- still grunting and growling all the time! Sounds like a piggy :)
- still getting the hiccups a few times a day
- just starting to dislike bath time - she used to love it!
- wearing size 1 diapers (outgrew newborn last week)
- just starting to outgrow her newborn clothes - SO SAD!
- at 5 w 6 d she weighed 8lbs 10 oz which is the 20th percentile but 70th percentile when accounting for her prematurity
- still a redhead :)
- napping in her bassinet by herself ( I so love just letting her nap on my chest that I was afraid she wouldn't ever learn to sleep by herself so this week I have made a conscious effort to give her some solo sleep time. She is taking 2 naps of approx 45mins-1.5 hrs in her bassinet daily, then several naps in our arms or in her swing.)
- We took our first walks in her stroller this week - it has been in the 60s here!
Hope all is well with everyone. I read blogs daily but can't always comment because I often have my hands full. I am rooting for you all. xoxo
Saturday, January 21, 2012
First smiles :)
These make the sleep deprivation worth it!!
I feel rested today! Hubby fed her 2 bottles of expressed breast milk last night and I was able to sleep from 10pm-3:45am!!! That's the longest I've slept Consecutively since I was about 22 weeks pregnant. Bliss!! I looked like Dolly Parton when I woke up though :). I usually am only able to pump 3-4 oz total at a time..well at 4am I pumped 8.5oz!
I feel rested today! Hubby fed her 2 bottles of expressed breast milk last night and I was able to sleep from 10pm-3:45am!!! That's the longest I've slept Consecutively since I was about 22 weeks pregnant. Bliss!! I looked like Dolly Parton when I woke up though :). I usually am only able to pump 3-4 oz total at a time..well at 4am I pumped 8.5oz!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
The first month
Pipsqueak turned one month a few days ago. Boy time flies - even though I feel like she has always been here it has been such a whirlwind! I am so deeply in love it's not even funny. She has everyone wrapped around her finger - especially me and her daddy. Tight on time here and I have a few thoughts I want to get down so I am going to do some bullet points.
I hope everyone gets to experience this. It is amazing and I am rooting for every single one of you!
- Still exclusively breastfeeding and overall it is going great! Depending on the day she eats anywhere from every hour to every 4.5 hours. Since she just passed her due date on the 13th I am not too concerned, she is still catching up! I pump once a day and get anywhere from 2-5 oz. We have given her a bottle a few times just to get her used to it and she does great! Mostly though we are freezing a stash to help when I go back to work in March.
- She weighs over 8 lbs already! We don't go back to the dr until her 8 week checkup but I have weighed myself and then added the baby and she is at about 8 lbs 2 oz.
- I lost 30 lbs in 10 days after delivery - water weight mostly. I am now 10-12 lbs above pre IVF weight and I think I have plateaued and will now have to work to lose some. Not too worried now...breastfeeding makes me so hungry that dieting would be impossible. I do need to start working out though. It's just hard when you are SO TIRED!
- Speaking of tired..sleep deprivation sucks! We have good days and bad days. She sleeps mostly in bed with us. This weekend she slept 3-4 hours at a time and went right back down. Then last night she was up every hour and half. So that's about what it has been, 2 good nights followed by a bad night.
- She naps for about an hour in her bassinet a couple of times a day and then has a couple of naps on one of us.
- She smiled AT ME for the first time yesterday and I melted.
I hope everyone gets to experience this. It is amazing and I am rooting for every single one of you!
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