The insensitivity of people astounds me!

I am mostly out of the infertility closet at work...most people know we are having trouble, a handful know it is due to low sperm issues.  If I could do it over again I would never have told anyone when we started ttc, but naive me, I thought there was no reason to think it wouldn't happen right away.  There are a few women who have been great....they had infertility issues themselves and are always there with kind words, a shoulder to lean on or just to listen to me vent expletives.  Then there are a couple of uber-fertile women who are also amazingly supportive...willing to help me get days off for Dr visits, sensitive about keeping the pregnancy/baby/child talk to a minimum around me, etc.  And then there are the OTHER women.  I like to call them the BITCHES in my head, but really I don't think they are mean spirited, just ignorant as a baboon's ass.  These are the women that upon hearing me talk instantly say, "You can have my kids!".  Oh really?  Well I will be over in an hour.  Make sure to pack precious Jayden's jammies because we keep the air conditioning on high at my house!  I mean seriously!!!!!  Telling me I can have your kids is about the most ridiculous, least helpful comment you can make.

Yesterday one  bitch even had the AUDACITY to tell me, "I swear if you just relax you will be pregnant in a few months."  I replied, "Yeah I don't think that is going to help.".  She didn't give up, she kept hounding me for the next 5 minutes, telling me about her friend who was told she couldn't have a baby and ended up having 5 without any assistance.  By this point I have tears in my eyes, my limbs are shaking, and my heart is pounding.  Finally when I think she is done she says, "Whatever, I just really think you need to relax a little.". I couldn't take it, I yelled, "ME RELAXING ISN'T GOING TO MAKE MY HUSBAND MAKE MORE SPERM!".  Umm, yeah.  In front of several coworkers, customers, and a random man that was walking by who looked terrified.

I joked with my best friend the other day that I am now "that" girl, the one whom my coworkers think of as possibly mentally unstable, the one whose husband is no longer surprised to find me alone in a room crying, the one who feels perfectly happy one minute and completely devastated and hopeless the next.  But I don't think it is a joke, I am that girl.  Maybe I should just shave my hair like Britney did and get it over with?

Waiting, waiting

My HSG is in a couple of weeks, and providing that I am "all clear" then we are pretty confident that we will be moving on to a dIUI cycle sometime this fall.  We've discussed it with our close friends and families and everyone has been really supportive.  I think a few of them are wondering why we wouldn't just go straight for IVF since the docs seem to think we would have a reasonable success rate.  And that's a good question!  We had a brief period where we kinda seesawed between IVF/dIUI and had lots of doubts, now we are pretty sure.  Obviously money is a big factor-we can afford IUI NOW but would have to save for 6-12 months for an IVF cycle.  But there is also the probable genetic component and physical and emotional stress of IVF.

Well time to go watch the season 2 premiere of Teen Mom (yes I watch it, actually I LOVE it).  I hope everyone has a wonderful week.  POSITIVE THOUGHTS FOR ALL!!!!

Well hello there...

Hi!  I'm new to blogging but so not new to lurking on other people's blogs.  Ever since it became apparent that pregnancy wasn't going to happen easily I went where every woman goes to research...Google.  I am obsessed with googling things.  When we first started ttc I googled things like, "early pregnancy symptoms", "how often should we have to sex to get pregnant?", "is alcohol intake harmful before implantation?" (this one was done a few times the last few months we were trying naturally..I got really sick of not drinking 50% of the time).  Luckily google directed me to an infertility blog.  Now I am a blog addict.  It seems like everyone around me gets pregnant super easily, it was a relief to find out I am not alone.

We are now trying to decide between using donor sperm for an IUI or saving up money for an IVF attempt.  Dr P is concerned that DH may have a genetic variant that is causing his low sperm count and low testosterone so that is making us lead toward donor.  In the next couple of months we plan on getting DH's labs repeated including a genetic work up,  I will have an HSG and saving money!!  Also I have implemented a healthy lifestyle...I have quit drinking alcohol, quit drinking diet sodas, and am trying to lose weight through calorie counting and exercise.

Thanks for reading!