Believe

I got this card in the mail today from Foxy over at Someday.  Thank you so much girl.  I do believe!

My meds are arriving tomorrow morning, first shot of Lupron tomorrow afternoon.  I can't believe this is actually here.

The meds were cheaper than I had feared, in part due to the samples the doctor gave us, 2 vials of menopur a friend gave us, and a FABULOUS coupon Miss Mac over at Mac and PC faxed in for me.  4 free vials of Bravelle, hells yeah! Thanks so much chica!!!!

So besides the high FSH level everything else is going perfectly.  The zofran is awesome, no more nausea.

DH and I are off to a movie date.  Have a great evening everyone!

BCP day 8

I had my sonohysterogram and injections class today.  Dr Alan talked me off of the ledge...he said that we would look at my ovaries and see how many follicles I had now and that would be more telling about my egg reserve than the one low FSH.  My right ovary had 8 follicles, the left ovary was hard to see (so how in the hell will we see it later to retrieve?) but he thought he saw several follicles on it as well.  So for now I'm calmed down.

The actual test was fine.  My cervix never really likes a catheter pushed through it so that part hurt but the rest was easy.  Uterus looked good.

He wrote me a script for Zofran which I'm pumped about!  Hopefully goodbye nausea!

The nurses faxed my med order into Walgreens Specialty Pharm.  They gave me 2 sample boxes of Bravelle (saving us about $550 I believe) and one sample box of endometrium suppositories.

So the IVF schedule is (stop reading if you're bored, I just want to be able to reference this later):

April 1 - start Lupron 10 units daily. Continue BCP, aspirin and multivitamin.
April 4 - last BCP (continue aspirin and prenatal indefinitely)
April 7 - baseline u/s / labs
April 9 - start stims - Bravelle 300+Menopur 75 daily.  Lupron down to 3 units daily
April 13 - u/s /labs - possibly alter stims
April 16 - u/s /labs - possible alter stims (note to self, Lupron 3 units continues along with stims, last stim is last Lupron shot)
April 18 -u/s / labs - possible trigger shot in pm
April 20 - possible egg retrieval
April 23 - possible 3 day transfer
April 25 - possible 5 day transfer
May 4 - possible beta (will be 14 days after egg retrieval)

My oh my I'm excited again.  Walgreens is supposed to call me back this afternoon with details.  DH has a friend who lives out of state who has 2 vials of menopur she wants to give us...awaiting her email back to us to make sure it is the right dose and not expired, that may save us another $150.

Thanks for listening to my crazy rants!

Here's what the internet has to say..

FSH is often used as a gauge of ovarian reserve. In general, under 6 is excellent, 6-9 is good, 9-10 fair, 10-13 diminished reserve, 13+ very hard to stimulate. In PCOS testing, the LH:FSH ratio may be used in the diagnosis. The ratio is usually close to 1:1, but if the LH is higher, it is one possible indication of PCOS.




I'm so upset right now.  I just emailed DH and just lost it.  If this cycle doesn't work I am done.  DONE.

BCP day 7 - WTF?

Just found out my CD3 lab results....FSH 11.2???????   Estradiol was like 33. something.

Seriously?

A year ago I think my FSH was 7.7 and I was worried that was high.  The nurse said not to worry, that the level is on the high end of what they would expect for someone my age but that the level alone wasn't anything to worry about.  She said the doctor is taking my chart home tonight to review everything and set up my med protocol.

Should I be worried?

Tomorrow I have my sonohysterogram and injects class.  I am taking with me the notarized consents and will be ordering my meds tomorrow.

Any advice on this FSH thing would be greatly appreciated!

BCP day 6

I am still having headaches and a little nausea.  Nothing I can't handle, it just worries me because I know the meds only get worse from here.

Isn't it funny?  If this ends up with us bringing home a baby any side effect is worth it!  Short of death I would gladly experience almost anything over these next few weeks...but what if it doesn't work?  How does one decide to put their body through all of this multiple times?  I want to be a mother more than I have ever wanted anything...but I fear I don't have the stomach for all of this sometimes.  If this doesn't work I just don't know if I will have it in me to do it again.  Not to mention the emotional and financial burden it brings.

Please, please work!!!

BCP day 2

So I have a horrible headache this evening.  Do you all think it is from 2 days of BCP?  I have been on the pill 2 different times in my life, both times I was so nauseated I went off of them so I was expecting that.  But this headache sucks...plus what should I take for it?  Tylenol?  Motrin?

Hmm...I also wonder if my decreased caffeine is responsible.  I am a recovering diet coke addict...I used to have like 6 a day.  A few months ago I cut back to about 3 a day, starting last week I am down to 1 a day. Do you think one serving of caffeine with everyone's favorite cancer causer aspartame is okay through this process??

I am still so hopeful.  So far, so good.  Thanks for all of the support guys!

BCP day 1

My appointment today was awesome!  My uterus looked "perfect", my ovaries were free of cysts, I picked up my birth control, had CD 3 labs drawn, and scheduled my injections class, sonohysterogram, and monitoring u/s/bloodwork appointments.

Here is a pic of the 2 meds I started this evening...so simple and cheap but is marks the beginning of hope...

SO...we're starting IVF NOW!

Umm, so yeah. We thought this cycle would not work due to out of town commitments, but my cycle was a couple of days late so I thought I'd call the clinic yesterday.  I told the nurse my period started Sunday night and I was just wondering what days certain things would happen in we went ahead.  The dates she said for possible egg retrieval and transfer will totally work!  OMG!!!!

I have an appt for this afternoon for an u/s and day 3 bloodwork.  She said I will start BCP this Friday (cd 5), then start stims 4/12 or 4/13 (cd 23 or 24), retrieval 4/20 or 4/21 (day 9 or 10 of stims), transfer 4/24 or 4/25.  Does this timeline sound like what you girls have had?

WTH?  I am seriously so excited I may just poop myself!!!
The clinic called me back while DH and I were out taking a walk...so surreal.  I was almost late to work but I don't care...this cycle is of the utmost importance now!  I have switched most of my shifts to be able to be off from egg retrieval through about 4 days post transfer..the ones I couldn't get off I pretty much emailed my boss and said I can't make it in those days, deal with it.

Here's a question for you all...I work nights, 12 hours shifts.  I know most do their injections dinner time/evening time...what time should I do them?  Is the most important thing just to do it at the same time every day?

For those of you who are into those things, please say a little prayer for me!

Out of nowhere

Does anyone else think infertility is like having multiple personalities?  I swear - one hour I am cool, collected, confident and self-asured.  The next - weepy, scared, nervous and angry. 
Yesterday I was feeling good.  All day I was picturing what it would be like to be pregnant after our IVF cycle...how long we would wait to tell people, what sex I'd prefer, etc., etc.  I also was thinking about what will happen if it doesn't work.  My thoughts were, mayeb we'll try again, maybe we'll say enough is enough.  I was thinking about what life will be like without kids - and really felt deep down that we'd be okay.  I started thinking about traveling, getting new wood floors, and what have you. 

Then I woke up today to a mass email annoucing a pregnancy.  It was sent from a distant college friend - we see each other maybe every couple of years.  She is more a friend of a friend.  I knew she was going to start trying a few months ago - she is now 12 weeks along so that obviously didn't take long.  That's not what got to me though.  What killed me is that she said she will be starting a blog to share her pregnancy with everyone.  I seriously lost it when I read that line.  I cried for at least 15 minutes straight.

Can you imagine?  A blog to celebrate with your real family and friends.  Not a place to bitch, moan, share bad news, cry, disappoint all in the comfort of your anonyminity.  A blog that is happy, a blog that is started with a certainty of what the future holds. 

I am so jealous. Jealous that I don't have the blessing of an easy conception.  Jealous that she is older than me, wasn't ever sure that she wanted kids, and wham bam thank you ma'm with the quick pregnancy announcement.  I am jealous that even if I do end up pregnant with IVF I don't know if I will ever feel comfortable with a mass email to everyone I know announcing my bundle of joy.

What in the world will ever make these feelings go away?  I don't think a baby will cure this feeling I have inside of me.  I imagine myself at 90, stooped over in a wheelchair in my room at the nursing home, overhearing some slutty 19 year old nursing assistant talk about an unwanted pregnancy and running her over with my wheelchair. 

I feel better this evening..haven't cried again, anyway.  There is a pressure deep inside my chest, however.  I think the feeling is infertility - a mixture of resentment, sadness, jealousy, tears cried, hopelessness and frustration.

A plan, finally!

Such a great appointment.  I mean, just wonderful!  What a pleasant surprise!

It started out with us leaving the house later than I wanted to.   Nobody's fault, but more specifically it was kinda DH's work's fault.  He is just worked to the bone.  Then we got lost and arrived 15 minutes late.  Obviously my b/p was elevated due to the stress.  143/97.  Yikes!

Dr Alan was super encouraging.  He said his clinic has a 70% live birth rate for women under 35 undergoing IVF for male factor issues.  Yay!  We inquired as to whether he thinks we need the 3 cycle plus program and he said that while he can't make any promises he would doubt that we would need that many cycles.  He also got me to thinking about something else..If we go through 2 fresh, and possibly 2 frozen cycles, I may not want to do another fresh cycle.  I am an IVF newbie...for all I know it could just end up being a really negative experience for me...maybe I won't even want to do more than 1 and money would be wasted.

I got some more specific details...His clinic uses ICSI exclusively, does more 5-day than 3-day transfers (depending on embryo quality of course), is open for retrievals/transfers, etc 7 days a week, and does a 1 or 2 embryo transfer per fresh cycle for women < 35 - it is up to the pt.  2 please! ;)  There is a 37% twin rate at his clinic for IVF, 1% triplet rate.  He also told me that 67 % of his patients <35 had enough embryos to have some for the freezer.

Money issues - actually good news for once!  We are going to do a 1 cycle plus program without monitoring (which doesn't mean you're not monitored which is what I first thought-it just means the monitoring is not included in the all-inclusive price) - for $8545 you get:

-all the pre-stuff- catheter check, trial transfer, injection training, etc
-egg retrieval including anesthesia (which he says is IV anesthesia, not general thank God)
-ICSI
-Assisted embryo hatching if indicated
-embryo transfer
-frozen embryo storage for 1 full year
-WTF appt if needed
-1 frozen cycle if fresh cycle is unsuccessful and there are frozen embryos available.

All of the monitoring - U/S, lab work, repeat sonohysterogram will be covered by insurance (may have to pay some after insurance fees until deductible reached) will be covered by our insurance!!!!!!!  This is a savings to us of approx $1k.

Meds - not covered one bit.  The office manager told us that meds cost between $2500-$4000/fresh cycle, $2000/ frozen cycle.  Does this sound about right?  This is through Walgreen's.  I'm thinking I could come up with something better?? Maybe not.

We will also need to pay for some sperm to be frozen ahead of time...Dr Alan recommended this so we have backup and plenty of swimmers to choose from - should also help with DH's anxiety the day of retrieval!  This costs approx $300.

SO... by my calculations this process will cost us approx $12k if we are successful on the fresh cycle, $14k if we move on to a frozen cycle. Thank God we just got our tax refund.

So when will we move forward?  Money is not holding us back now!  DH defends his dissertation in late April, we have an out of town wedding in early May for 4 days, and an out of town wedding in Florida in early June.  There is a small chance we can do it in May, if not we are looking at July or August.  OMG I am so excited!  Either way works...I am obviously antsy pantsy but July/August gives me a little bit longer to get healthier and save money.

I am literally walking on air right now.  I know none of this means we will be successful, but damn it feels good to be doing something, ANYTHING!

Thanks for all the support guys!

Getting nervous...

Our appt is less than 24 hours away!  I am nervous but in a good way....to finally be making a plan, even if that plan may not come to fruition for several months, means so much to me.  I have spent soooo much of this process on the sidelines, rooting others on, crying or celebrating at the end of cycles, and blogging about WAITING.  The most frustrating thing has been that most of this waiting period has been without a plan...or with a plan that is ripped out from under me. 

Think about it, I feel like this big shot experienced infertile just because it has been going on for 2 years...but I have never had a 'real' cycle that stood a chance!  Of course I didn't know this the first year when I was charting, doing OPKs, lying with my feet up for an hour, etc. 

BTW, we got our income tax refund back yesterday and it was waaaay more than we thought...good timing!

So any last minute advice???  We are definitely leaning towards a 3 cycle plus insurance plan dealio.  We just need more info on that.  The one definite downside though is if for some reason we feel that the clinic/dr isn't for us we are stuck there. 

Here is an interesting article I came across...increased implantation rates by 40%!!!!
http://www.ivfconnections.com/forums/content.php/687-New-IVF-Media-Claims-to-Increase-Implantation-Rates-by-40-percent

Wish me luck!

Appointment made!

Big news!! We made an appointment with Dr Alan to discuss possible IVF! I have several questions for him and his office, namely:


1. What are the 2011 prices for IVF? What is the price difference between one cycle and three cycle plus programs?
2. Do you think we need a 3 cycle plus program? Or do you think we have a reasonable chance of being successful with our first cycle?  More info on these programs please!
3. Does our insurance cover any meds or ultrasounds? (they told us when we talked last year that our insurance will usually cover these things...however I know that we have absolutely no coverage for treatment of infertility. I hate to call the insurance company because if there is a chance they will cover some of it without asking any questions I don't want to point out our glaring infertility:)
4. What other tests should we run before moving forward? Do day 3 labs need to be repeated? Is there any need for blood clotting tests? Or genetic tests on me? Or some sort of antral follicle count? Clomid challenge test? Any test that will prove I will make enough eggs?
5. What is your 'standard' IVF protocol?
6. Your clinic is not open on weekends, what happens if I require a retrieval or transfer on those days?
7. Does your clinic usually aim for a 3 or 5 day transfer? 
8. How long do you recommend bed rest after transfer? In fact how long will I need off work after egg retrieval and after transfer?
9. Will I need FMLA to have multiple days off for this cycle?  How does that work?
10. Do you recommend having frozen sperm backup?  DH's sperm or also donor sperm just in case?








What else should I ask?? It is so hard to get your thoughts clear in front of a doctor...I want to write out everything beforehand.


On a non-whiny note...I got a wonderful package this weekend from Foxy over at Someday.
She sensed that I needed a little balance and sunshine in my life. Thanks again love!!!