Hello! Quick recap and update on my crazy thoughts :)
We have been ttc for a year and a half. Luckily we got a diagnosis within a week of our first RE visit; unfortunately it was severe oligospermia. Our only chances for pregnancy are IVF with ICSI or dIUI. We are in the planning/talking/brooding/crying/saving mode now...we flip back and forth regularly as to what path to take...my thought is if we don't know then it is not responsible to move forward. When we go through with some form of ART I want us to be 100% invested and confident that we are making the choice that makes sense for us. Our timeline is the thing that gets us down...my DH is working on his phd and working a stressful corporate job so we are probably not moving forward with any route until next summer.
So here is what is new...these last 2 weeks I have been happy. I mean like really happy - smiling and laughing with coworkers, giggling with my best friend at a bar over silly things, enjoying time with my husband, and most shocking - once again smiling and making faces at babies and kids. This is huge for me...the last few months I avoided eye contact with infants like the plague.
What has changed? Well I think just time has helped me heal, the grief process and what not. But also? I think I have finally allowed myself to imagine my life without children. I was too grief stricken before to even go there. Don't get me wrong, I still want kids. I still plan on trying to have kids. And I know that if I don't have any that a part of me will miss that for my entire life. BUT I think I could be happy with just me and my husband making up our family. I NEVER thought that I would accept that. So that's huge :)
We have been ttc for a year and a half. Luckily we got a diagnosis within a week of our first RE visit; unfortunately it was severe oligospermia. Our only chances for pregnancy are IVF with ICSI or dIUI. We are in the planning/talking/brooding/crying/saving mode now...we flip back and forth regularly as to what path to take...my thought is if we don't know then it is not responsible to move forward. When we go through with some form of ART I want us to be 100% invested and confident that we are making the choice that makes sense for us. Our timeline is the thing that gets us down...my DH is working on his phd and working a stressful corporate job so we are probably not moving forward with any route until next summer.
So here is what is new...these last 2 weeks I have been happy. I mean like really happy - smiling and laughing with coworkers, giggling with my best friend at a bar over silly things, enjoying time with my husband, and most shocking - once again smiling and making faces at babies and kids. This is huge for me...the last few months I avoided eye contact with infants like the plague.
What has changed? Well I think just time has helped me heal, the grief process and what not. But also? I think I have finally allowed myself to imagine my life without children. I was too grief stricken before to even go there. Don't get me wrong, I still want kids. I still plan on trying to have kids. And I know that if I don't have any that a part of me will miss that for my entire life. BUT I think I could be happy with just me and my husband making up our family. I NEVER thought that I would accept that. So that's huge :)
