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Showing posts with label pregnancy after IVF #1. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy after IVF #1. Show all posts

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Birth story of Pipsqueak (with baby pictures)

Oh my goodness there have been so many changes in our lives.

     So last Tuesday at 1pm I went in to L+D for a non-stress test, blood work and to turn in my 2nd 24 hour urine collection.  I was having contractions at home but thought they seemed completely irregular.  After being hooked up it was evident that they were regular, every 4-5 minutes.  The nurse checked me and my cervix was not dilated, high and thick.  So no action there.  2 hours later the on call OB came in and discussed my results.  The protein in my urine had doubled over the weekend and it was time to induce.  YIKES!  I knew it was coming soon but it was actually pretty scary hearing the words.  She checked my cervix then and informed me I was 1cm dilated.  By looking at the contraction pattern I was in she thought my body knew it was time for the pregnancy to be over and I was in early labor already.  

    I was moved out of triage and into a LDR room.  My pressures were through the roof so to prevent seizures during labor I was started on a magnesium bolus and then a drip.  My amazingly awesome nurse stayed with me every second.  She told me what to expect and had great sympathy for me as she also had received mag during her labor.  There was no sugar-coating - it was gonna suck.  It causes crazy heat sensations to envelop your body.  To help relieve this Dana the nurse continuously applied ice cold washcloths all over me during the 30 minute bolus.  It helped so much!  The entire time I was on mag I felt loopy, nauseated, flushed and had a headache but I know the initial hellish part was made easier by Dana.  Nurses rock!

     At 6pm the first dose of cytotec was placed near my cervix to soften it.  It was repeated at 10pm and 2am.  During this time I stayed 1-1.5cms but my cervix softened and thinned out.  All night I had the worst headache and was nauseated.  Contractions started to feel like really severe menstrual cramps.  They gave me zofran IV which made my stomach settled but couldn't give me oral tylenol for the headache because I was NPO except for ice chips.  My mom asked if I could get a tylenol suppository.  Best thing ever.  Finally I slept about 1 hour. 

     At 6am a pitocin drip was started.  This obviously made the contractions pick up.  By 8am I was moaning through them.  They were lasting about 60-90 seconds and coming every 2-3 minutes.  I was checked again around 8am and was almost 2cm and my cervix and come down and was completely thinned out.  

    Things get hazy here.  The pain was all encompassing but I felt powerful - my moaning kept me focused.  As long as I was getting a break in between them to re-center myself I was doing good.  Around 10 or 11ish I started having 2-3 contractions on top of one another with no break in between.  This I couldn't do.  I was still moaning but could tell I was losing control.  Dana offered me fentanyl and I accepted.  I got two doses one hour apart and they kept me sane.  Around 1pm I was checked and told I was 4.5cm dilated so I got my epidural.  I had been lying in bed this whole time (can't walk around on mag) so sitting up for the epidural made me sick as a dog.  I had 3 contractions while waiting for the anesthesiologist to prep my back.  I got pale, sweaty and vomited twice.  Luckily the actual epidural was painless and worked within 10 minutes.  My husband and I immediately fell asleep and my mom kept watch over the monitors and kept dabbing my face with a cool wet washcloth.

     Around 1:30 Dana ran in the room and put an oxygen mask on my face. She said something along the lines of "The baby just isn't as happy as she was before."  I looked over at the heart rate monitor and saw her heart rate was in the 70s.  NOTGOOD.COM.  Dana told my mom to pull the call light out of the wall to "get everyone in here".  She then hoisted herself onto the bed and rammed her hand up my vag.  As nurses and the OB ran in she said, "I'm afraid we have a prolapsed cord".  Another nurse also put her hand in me and the doctor started palpating my abdomen.  The pitocin was turned off and I was given a shot of something to attempt to stop the contractions.  Suddenly I could hear the heart rate dropping further.  I then passed a few clots and there was worry about placenta abruptio (spelling?).  About 5 minutes later my contractions decreased and Pipsqueak's heart rate normalized.  I was left alone and fell right back to sleep. (I was drugged and had slept only one hour in a day and a half so even with the drama and worry I was out!).  According to my mom about 15 minutes later the OB came back in.  She said she reviewed my contraction and fetal heart rate monitors and decided she just didn't like the way the baby was handling the stress.  We needed a C-section.  Within 10 minutes we were on our way, they weren't playing around.

     I was wheeled to the operating room and felt like I was having an out of body experience.  I don't remember kissing my mom and husband goodbye but I know I did.  As I was waiting to be transferred over to the table I got scared and started to cry.  The OB held my hand and said she would take good care of me and my baby.  I was then transferred, prepped, and the cutting began.   My hubby came in soon there after.  He held my hand which helped me stay calm.  Just before she was born I started vomiting again and feeling awful.  They held her up briefly over the drape and I glanced up.  She was beautiful but I was feeling so awful that it wasn't a big magical moment.  Soon thereafter I heard them say, "She's still losing blood".  I told the anesthesiologist I felt like I was passing out.  She said my blood pressure was really low and she was giving me some medicine to correct it.  I looked into her eyes and said, "Don't let me die".  She promised she wouldn't.  They brought the baby over at some point and I kissed her but I know this only from the pictures...I was fighting to stay conscious.  I then vomited yet again and fell asleep/passed out.  I woke up later as they were sewing me up.  I asked if my baby was okay and they told me she was in the NICU.  I am so thankful that I didn't ask for details and that they didn't bombard me with information.  If I had known she was having problems I don't know how I would have handled it at that point.

     I was wheeled back to my room for recovery and received several meds, had my epidural removed, and slept.  At some point that evening Pipsqueak was brought to me and I got to hold her.  She looked so good I don't think I even asked how she did immediately after the birth.  Sometime later that night I got the full story.  She wasn't breathing when she was born.  She was completely floppy, was bluish all over, and made no noise.  Her first Apgar was 2 (she only scored points for heart rate, got zeros for everything else) and the second was 6.  Here is photo evidence -

Poor Baby!


     They breathed for her with mask for one and half minutes, then placed her in an oxygen tank.  The extreme floppiness is because she was "all magged out".  Magnesium = bad evil drug.  But no seizures so I guess it's all relative.

Getting the NICU spa treatments

    Luckily she was a superstar.  Off all oxygen within an hour or two, then satted 100% on room air from then on out.  When she first attempted to breast feed she had a super strong suck reflex which is uncommon in premies.  Her blood glucose stayed stable on a small IV drip throughout the 24 hours I was unable to breastfeed her.  The only health hiccup we came across was some high bilirubin levels which was stabilized with 8 hours under the bili lights :

Her first tanning salon visit - note the cute shades!

     They pushed formula supplementation to help lower her bilirubin more quickly and I adamantly refused.  I had to fight several nurses and a pediatrician who all acted like I was a terrible mother but I knew my breast milk would be enough.  And it was. Her level came down and we were discharged Sunday.

    This week has been great.  She eats well, poops all the time, and sleeps sometimes even!  It is so not as hard as I thought it would be.  We are all so in love it is ridiculous.  Pipsqueak is super healthy, her pediatrician appointment today revealed that she is above her birth weight of 5lbs 12oz at 8 days old (usually happens about day 14) - Go Mom's titty milk!!!  I am so proud.  She has also already grown a quarter of an inch.  

    My blood pressures are still high but slowly coming down.  I was on procardia for 2 days which was hideous, now back on labetalol.  I am losing about 3 lbs a day and swelling is almost non existent.  Hopefully everything will stabilize soon.

    Thanks for all the prayers.  When all was said and done it was a sucky, scary birth but worth every moment.  She is our everything.






    
    

Friday, December 9, 2011

Preeclampsia

I've officially progressed from pregnancy induced hypertension to preeclampsia. My uric acid level has risen from 4.5 to 6.1 in the last 2 weeks and my 24 hr urine test shows 467 something (milligrams? Grams?) of protein and anything over 300 signifies pre e. The doctor herself called me this evening to tell me the results. She said if the protein had been over 500 she would recommend delivery this week...as it stands now I am going back to the doctor Monday (you know you're sick when they want to see you back in 3 days) and will re check a 24 hour urine then. I am to go to L&D over the weekend if my symptoms worsen. This week I have progressively felt worse - headaches, diarrhea and just general malaise and "not feeling right". Just kinda flu-ey but not running a fever.

35 weeks 1 day today. We saw the perinatologist Monday - she has set a goal of us making it to 37 weeks if possible. Here's hoping!!!

I wish I would just go into labor next week on my own-an induction scares me but that's almost definitely what's gonna happen.

Sorry I haven't been commenting much. I am reading blogs - constantly in fact. It's just hard to type while lying on my side. I'm typing this right now on the new Blogger app which I was pumped to find! But I guess it's just for posting on your own blog, not for reading or commenting?

So many people are due this month and next - fingers crossed for lots of healthy babies and mommies!

Sunday, December 4, 2011

34 weeks 3 days

Bed rest day 22.

Just a quick update - Saw the OB again Friday and she upped my labetalol (I'm now on 400mg twice daily).  Ultrasound looked great, Little Girl is still growing, moving and practicing breathing.

I see the perinatologist on Monday.

Friday, November 25, 2011

33 weeks 1 day

Bed rest day 13.

I am seeing a perinatologist on Dec 5.  I am to stay on strict bed rest until he clears me, with at least modified bed rest until delivery.  i.e. no more work for me.  I will run out of my paid time off/disability 2 weeks after our due date.  So that is going to make for an interesting financial situation but we will manage!

Had another bpp/non-stress test today - all is good! She scored 10/10 :)  I hope she continues to do well and ignore her mother's high blood pressure!

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!  We did!

Friday, November 4, 2011

PIH

Pregnancy Induced Hypertension - I've got it. :(

Yesterday at my 30 week appt they did an ultrasound just to see how big the baby is (I have been measuring 2-3 weeks ahead).  Everything was perfect - she is measuring at 3 lbs 5 oz which is the 57th percentile, fluid levels great, cord looks good.

Then my appt came.  BP initially was 136/100.  They had me lie on my left side for 10 minutes and then the doctor came in to check - 150/100.  They took me by wheelchair to labor and delivery and monitored me and the baby for 2 hours.  They drew every lab test known to man to check my organ functions.  My bp came down on it's own, only once contraction in 2 hours, Little Girl's HR was perfect throughout, no protein in my urine, and all labs normal.

Today I went back for a bp check with the nurse.  150/92.  She had my lie on my left side for 10 minutes and then it was 122/76.  My weight was the same as yesterday, and again no protein in my urine.

Besides swelling in my hands and face I have no other symptoms.  I am to call the dr immediately if I experience a rapid increase in swelling, headache, blurred or spotty vision, vomiting, dizziness or upper abdominal pain.  In the meantime I have no restrictions except - if I'm doing something that makes me feel bad I should stop doing it.  Ok then. I am allowed to work and eat whatever I want.  The Dr did say that this gets usually worse as pregnancy progresses and I may have to be on modified bed rest at some point.

So, I guess all is ok?  I was worried yesterday but feel better today.  I'm glad Little Girl is looking good - I just need to be vigilant about symptoms I feel I guess.

Anybody else have numbness?  The first 3 fingers of my right hand and my right thigh are numb 24/7.  Dr says this is from swelling??

Sunday, October 9, 2011

26 1/2 weeks

Braxton Hicks continue - I called my doctor and was reassured that it was all normal.  As well is the right wrist pain (preg induced carpal tunnel syndrome) and pelvic pain (ligament pain).  

Our little girl has been quite active this past week!  I have seen my abdomen jut out literally like 3 inches! It is crazy - crazy awesome.

I'm up 18 pounds total.  I guess this is ok for where I am - but I know I am eating way too much and I can tell my ass and hips are growing right along with my baby bump.  I'm not completely depressed by this - but it kinda sucks.

I have my glucose tolerance test at my 28 week appt in 9 days.  I think I will be okay - the other day at work I ate a ton of candy and then checked it one hour later my blood sugar was 111.  I guess I know why I am up 18 lbs :)

Love to all~

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Braxton Hicks

So I have been getting a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions.  Or at least I assume that is what they are - my uterus is rock hard on top and my bump gets pointy (as opposed to it's usual roundness).  It lasts a couple of minutes, happens more when I am on my feet (ESPECIALLY at work), and drinking water and putting my feet up makes them go away.  Dr Google says as long as there are not more than 5 an hour it's normal.  I think I have had about 10 today, once I had 3 in one hour (while at work running around taking care of a critical patient).

This is normal, right?  No pain during them, but I have had some achiness in my lower abdomen throughout the day, especially the left side, which I assume is round ligament pain.

Should I call the dr tomorrow just to check in with the nurse and make sure this is normal?

Besides that everything is great!  Holding steady at 24 1/2 weeks.  I hope all is well with everyone else.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Still hurts

I was curious to find out if pregnancy would 'cure' my infertile feelings.  Guess what?  It hasn't, it's numbed it at times, perhaps.  I don't hurt on a daily basis, I don't feel uncontrollable rage at every baby bump I see, I don't cry every time I see a baby on tv.  But I still see red when people make stupid comments, when people assume I am 'cured' by IVF.  Here are a few comments I have heard in the last few months -


  • It's usually not as hard getting pregnant with the second one, I bet you'll get pregnant right away.
  • What a blessing from God that you're pregnant!  I knew it would happen! (this only annoys me.  I do feel thankful to God or the spirits or whomever, but I am pregnant mostly because we paid a ton of money, went through an invasive procedure, and got so unbelievably lucky.  If I had sat on my laurels waiting for a miracle I have no doubt that I would not be pregnant right now, nor anytime in the future.
  • I KNEW you were able to get pregnant!
  • I bet you end up having 6 kids!
It is harder to get all worked up when I am standing there feeling my baby move around inside of me.  But it still makes me so fucking mad.  I always take the time to try to educate people.  For instance, when people talk about what a miracle this is I say something along the lines of, "It is a miracle.  I can't believe how lucky we are.  I'm so glad we went ahead and spent the $15,000 and decided to pursue IVF." That usually shuts people up.  Bringing up money and highly debatable medical science will do that.


On another note, pregnancy is going so great.  This second trimester is so amazing.  I have energy, I have no GI issues, I think my bump is cute, I get to wear elastic waist pants all the time, and my husband has been more attentive than ever.  I am lucky, I know that.  So lucky that I can't believe it.  

I hope you all get lucky soon.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

20 week ultrasound

It's a girl!!!!

Measuring 50th percentile for everything - weight, femur length, head circumference, etc.  Normal size and location of placenta, normal 3 vessel umbilical cord.

SOOO amazing!

I thought for sure I was having a boy so I was thrown for a loop - but a happy one!  I was secretly hoping for a girl.

Monday, August 15, 2011

18 1/2 weeks!

I can't believe I'm 18 1/2 weeks pregnant!  OMG!

And to celebrate 50 followers (wow, I can't believe anyone cares what I have to say!) I have decided to put a photo up on this anonymous blog of mine - I will probably take it down in a few days but I thought you would all like to see my bump!

(removed)

It was taken this past Saturday on the day of my hubby's doctorate graduation :)

Things are going really well here.  I feel good - almost no nausea unless I let myself get too hungry, I have energy to clean/cook/shop/work etc.., I feel movement daily and I just have an overall feeling of health!  Even though I have been craving and eating some bad things (ice cream, chips, burgers) I am also eating plenty of fruits and vegetables.  So it all evens out, right?

8 days until our 20 week ultrasound!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

16 week appt

I know my pregnancy posts are getting boring...and if you're still in the trenches fighting IF please know that it will not hurt my feelings if you stop reading my posts for awhile.  I so understand...I avoided some preg after IF blogs for a few months when times were tough.  Just know I love you and am rooting for you.

I had my 16 week check up today and it was perfect! I'll do bullets to update:


  • I am down another half a pound (so down 1 lb total from pre IVF weight).  YAY!  I started out about 30 lbs overweight so I am so happy I'm not out of control.  The Nurse Practitioner asked me if I had any diarrhea or vomiting and I said, "Nope, not once this whole pregnancy, just dry heaves."  So she said I'm good!  Her only worry was whether I was eating and drinking enough.  BOY am I!  I drink water constantly (and a couple of iced teas a day) and eat probably anywhere from 2000-3000 cals a day (probably 2300 approx usually, more if it is a 'sweets' day:).  
  • Heartbeat was wonderful.  Quote from the NP, "What a nice, strong heartbeat".
  • My uterus is about two fingerbreadth's below my navel (which equals about 18 weeks) so I'm measuring about 2 weeks ahead (normal is 2 weeks either way so I guess I'm growing a biggie...maybe that's where all the calories are going!).
  • My urine sample was negative....no protein, no glucose (so far so good..I am deathly afraid of gestational diabetes only because some days all that sounds good are carbs....if I had to be carb restricted I think I'd cry!).
  • B/P 116/70
  • My M.R.S.A. swab from last visit was negative (I have had one Methicillin Resistant Staph Aureus abscess in my life so because of that I need to be tested 3 times to make sure I'm not colonized...if any of the 3 come back positive I will be in isolation when I deliver...LOL).
All in all a perfect visit.  She even kinda sucked up to me it seemed...said that I was going to have the perfect pregnancy - not too big during all of this ridiculous heat and by the time I'm huge it will be winter. This visit was really good for my self esteem!

Next visit in 4 weeks will be for the 20 week ultrasound!  I CANNOT WAIT to find out what we're having!  I go back and forth on what gender I'm hoping for so clearly I am happy with whatevs!!

I STARTED FEELING MOVEMENT A FEW DAYS AGO!  AHHHH!  COOLEST THING EVAH!  Enough caps, I know.  It totally doesn't feel like butterfly wings to me.  Feels like a fingertip tapping lightly.  SO amazing!  I only notice it lying flat or just after sitting.  

Oh and for those of you that want a bump pic...I don't know what it is, I haven't taken a single one.  Not even for my private eyes.  I'm certainly not ashamed...maybe just feeling guilty?  A couple of weeks ago my too small tank top was riding up in front and DH said, "You're showing!" and I tugged my shirt back down and felt weird - like my heart started beating funny and I blushed.  It feels so personal.  Maybe when I get bigger and used to it I will take some pics and post a few?  Maybe I have PTSD from infertility? :)

ONE LAST THING (damn this is a long rambling post, you deserve an award for reading this whole thing if you are:).  We picked a nursery color!  It is a very light light green with a hint of blue, perfect for either sex.  Paint was on sale at Sherwinn-Williams so we got it.  Now DH just needs to paint!

xoxo

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Bump

I feel like in the span of 3 days I went from looking chubby to looking pregnant.  But I think it's too early for me to have 'popped'.  Hmm.  Maybe it's all the fiber bars I've been eating (which has totally saved my life from const. hell :).  

My family is coming into town today-I'm so stoked!  They haven't seen me pregnant so I am wearing maternity clothes today for maximum bump effect :)

I know my blog has become a boring pregnancy blog.  I'm sorry.  I still feel infertile and I don't think that's ever gonna change.  

I hope that all of my dear infertile sisters in the blogging world will one day get a chance to publish a boring pregnancy blog.  It's really something.

Monday, July 18, 2011

So obsessed with this stroller...

So we bought it yesterday!  Talk about jinxing myself, I am now addicted to buying baby stuff :)

Here is a link to it - http://www.google.com/products/catalog?q=eddie+bauer+trailmaker+travel+system&hl=en&safe=active&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=shop&cid=4589943445580094759#

It was on clearance at Target.  I love it because it's modern, gender neutral and VERY EASY to fold up.  Also I am already sick of pastels and this is a bold pattern. 

I never thought buying a stroller would be so damn much fun!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Skittish

A friend of mine gave me a huge bag of maternity clothes today - and they are all washed, dried and hung up in my closet.

I bought a boppy maternity sleeping pillow today.

And I wonder if I'm jinxing myself? 14 weeks today and (knock on wood) so far so good!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

2nd trimester

So I am beginning the 2nd trimester - either today at 13 weeks or next week at 14 weeks, depending on the source.

This is supposed to be the magical trimester, right?  Oh I hope so :)  I can definitely tell a difference between now and a few weeks ago.  The nausea is occurring less often, is less intense and almost never causes dry heaves anymore.  If this constipation would just abate then life would be perfect.  Thanks for all of your advice friends.  It really helped!  I pretty much cleaned myself out with 3 stool softeners, 2 fiber pills, and a max dose of milk of magnesia.  2 weeks ago I did just about the same thing.  Now I just want to prevent it from getting that bad again.  The hubs and I are both on a mission to get me as much fiber each day as possible - fiber cereal, fiber one bars, etc.  I hope it helps.

Big news - I am showing more and more each day.  My belly has always been flabby, I gain weight like a man - in my beer gut :)  But now there is a definite bump with definition to the lower abdomen.  I have found myself purposely wearing clothes that accentuate it - so much fun!

3 weeks until our next appt, 7 weeks to the next ultrasound.  If it wasn't for the doppler I would absolutely lose my mind.  I check in on the bambino a few times  a week - it is so much easier to find the heartbeat now than it was at 10 1/2 weeks which is awesome!

I hope everyone is having a good summer.  All in all this is the best summer of my life thus far.  I remember last summer - a good friend visited me while she was 18 weeks pregnant.  I tried to have fun, I tried (and mostly successfully) to be happy for her, but I was so unbelievable jealous.  That was in August.  This August I will be 18 weeks pregnant.  It is just mind-blowing.

xoxoxo

Friday, July 1, 2011

2nd OB appt

Was a major disappointment.  We waited over 45 minutes to be taken back for a 3 minute appt.  I peed in a cup, was weighed, she listened to the heartbeat, she asked us if we had any questions and badda boom badda bing we were ushered out.  We went ahead and made our appts through 30 weeks and I am glad to say the way my schedule worked out the next 2 appts are with the nurse practitioner, then one appt with my OB, then an appt with a different OB in the practice.   The doc we saw today is my regular obgyn who is usually awesome - I don't know what was up today.

I thought I'd fill out a what's going on this week thing for posterity - feel free to skip!!!

How far along? 12 weeks

How is Mommy feeling?  Nauseated at some point every day but nowhere near as severe as it was.  My energy level is coming back up.  I have noticed that every week that passes my anxiety level gets lower and lower...which is a relief!!

How is Daddy feeling?  Boy that's a toughie.  He is excited...he has told just about every single person he's ever met about the baby.  BUT we are kinda having trouble adjusting to this pregnant wife/expectant father situation.  I am MUCH whinier/bitchier than either of us ever thought I would be.  I have wanted to be pregnant for so long that I thought it would be like winning the lottery - I would be happy and blissed out all the time.  In reality I spend moments in sheer awe and wonderment but find myself hormonal and edgy quite often.  SO DH is obviously not liking that.  In my defense he did leave the toilet seat up for the bazillionith time today which made me go off like a madwoman.  We had a good talk today that I think should help.

Total weight gain?  I am down a half pound since starting IVF.  Go me!  Since I started this process about 30 pounds overweight I am relieved that I haven't already blown up like a whale.

Symptoms?  Tired easily, sore nipples (boobs aren't really sore anymore), leukorrhea, constipation, gas, left hip pain (?), trouble sleeping, nausea, severely chapped lips (?) and dark veins all over my chest.

The belly?  Just starting to look like a baby might be hiding in there instead of just chub.  The bottom of my abdomen is firm and I LOVE placing my hand there.

Boobies?  Bigger, sensitive nipples, when I squeeze my nipples I get a clear discharge out of them (?), and dark veins.

What I miss?  Waking up and just doing what needs to be done or what I want to do and not having to worry about whether it's gonna be a day where I feel awful.  BUT I know it's worth it.

Big news this week?  DH has finally agreed that we can find out the gender!!  Unfortunately my next u/s isn't until 20 weeks!!!!!!!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

A new outlook

I feel like a new person.  Physically there are still some unwanted symptoms but much less severe - more like I expected with pregnancy.  I have energy suddenly.  I want to clean my house.  And good Lord I'm hungry constantly!!

Right now I am just overflowing with love and gratitude for this baby.  This was our one shot - for financial reasons we agreed we could only try this once.  We signed up for only the one cycle program.  We had no frozen embryos.  Our hopes laid with 2 embryos - a perfect 5aa and a medium to low grade 1bb. I'm assuming the 5aa is the one that implanted.  My one shot out of 19 eggs retrieved.

I had faced a possibility of life without children.  Knock on wood, I don't think that life is going to come to pass.

I love you little sweet pea. 

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

11 weeks

Well, I tomorrow I am 11 weeks.  But I have the energy to blog now so blog I must!

Dare I say I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel?  Thanks to everyone who commented on my last post.  I can't begin to tell you how much it meant to me to be HEARD.  It's such a weird place to be in.  I don't feel comfortable complaining to many people in real life (except DH, boy I don't hold back with him). It was such a relief to spill my guts here.

As for how I'm feeling - constipation is mmmmuuuucccchhhh better.  I think stopping the progesterone suppositories  really helped.  I also took some milk of magnesia and had one horrible day of reckoning in the bathroom that felt like the apocalypse.  That REALLY helped.

Nausea continues but is less severe.  No more dry heaving, which is such a relief.  I'm just trying to eat small amounts frequently.  I am also relying on Zofran for the really bad days.

Best news?  I rented a doppler :)  I got it from Heartbeats at Home (google it, great company!).  $24/month.  I will probably keep it until I can feel the baby move.  I was able to hear the heartbeat on it at 10w4d which I was very proud of :)  I am going to try not to use it too frequently...just when I need some reassurance.

Next OB appt next week at 12 weeks.  Next u/s at 18 weeks - and DH and I are still discussing whether we will find out the sex or not.  (I am dying to, he wants to wait)

Love you all.  I read through some blogs today and am trying to catch up on your lives.  xoxo

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The post I swore I'd never write

But I feel I have to. If you don't want to hear how miserable it can be when you finally get pregnant please don't read this. 

I am not good at pregnancy.  My nausea and dry heaving is out of control.  I am tired all of the time.  I haven't had a real poop in 3 weeks.  I sit on the toilet for an hour at a time, straining and huffing and puffing with almost no results.  And what does result is rock hard. 

I cry every day.  I feel so miserable and yet at the same time feel so unbelievably guilty about it. I should just be happy and smile through my miseries.  I am pregnant, it's what I've always wanted.

My first ob appt was ok.  Too early for doppler (was 9w).  I don't go back for 3 weeks and no more ultrasounds until 18 weeks.  We have decided against any screenings because we are both terrified of a false positive.

My endometrin suppositories end this Thursday.  Do you think stopping those will help this God awful constipation?

Sorry for the tmi. 

And I swear when I am human again I am gonna comment my ass off on all of your blogs.  Just know that I am rooting for you.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Wordless Wednesday


Well, almost wordless :)  Heartbeat 176, measuring 9 weeks (8w 6d today) and everything looked perfect according to Dr Alan!  He showed us the baby's spinal cord, umbilical cord and small yolk sac.  The baby was moving it's arms and legs and the little head was twitching!  It was spectacular :)