Thoughts from a drunk friend...

So... this weekend I was having a few drinks with my best friend.  I had told her earlier in the day about our plans for using donor sperm.  She had seemed very supportive of it at the time but evidently it took some booze to loosen her lips and allow her to air her concerns. Here they were:

-Won't it be too weird to be pregnant with another man's child?
-Will DH feel like it's not his baby?
-Isn't it weird to have some other guy's sperm inside of you?
-It just seems freaky, you know what I mean?

I am not mad at her for sharing, she didn't say anything that I hadn't thought at one time....BUT it got me to thinking about the reaction everyone else in my life will have.  Is my mom secretly thinking ths too?  Are DH's parents?  IS DH?

After thinking it about it for the last few days I decided it didn't really matter.  This is me and DH's decision, not anyone else's.  Also I am not going to waste my time second guessing my husband...if he came to me and told me this is what he wants and that he is ready then he must be.  He is not one to make rash decisions.  I am sure that, like me, he knows there are always other options and alternatives, how can we ever be 100% sure a decision is the right one?

I remember when using donor sperm first came up.  From that first second I knew deep down that even if a child is not related genetically to both of us it is OURS.  He or she would not exist if it hadn't been for us meeting, falling in love and deciding to share our lives with a child.  That makes that child OURS.

Out of nowhere

Last evening DH was working from home and I was half vegging in front of the tv/half doing laundry.  He comes up behind me and says, "So I think I'm ready to move forward with this donor stuff".  Since we had already pretty much agreed on this I just kinda said, "yeah I know".  But by the look on his face I knew he meant more by it.  He said, "No I mean let's do it sooner, like maybe January."  Wow!  Before this he was all about completely finishing his doctorate before we move forward.  I really don't know what it is that made him change his mind, we haven't even talked about it in awhile.  Our counseling appointments were over a few weeks ago too so I don't think that's it.  Maybe he just suddenly wants a kid as soon as possible like I do!

UMM so wow!  I need to call the RE's office to find out what freaking sperm bank they use, and what other stuff I need to know!  Also I have to call the counselor's office to have her fax a letter to my RE saying we have talked through using a donor.

February is actually more realistic because I have a huge certification test mid January and a trip planned...but I am so excited that we will probably try in February! Also March, April and May are pretty wide open for trying!   June and July are busy with different weddings and travel so that was worrying me because before that was probably when we were going to start trying.  Now I will hopefully be pregnant by then and if I'm not I imagine after 4 months of trying a 2 month break would be welcome.

Oh I am sooo stoked! I am off to make phone calls now.  YAY!

2012

That is the earliest I could possibly have a baby.  I just realized this last night when we were trying to estimate how much money to put aside into our FSA account (we decided on max so we can use it to pay for donor sperm and IUIs).  I said in passing, "Well we won't have to worry about the cost of childbirth until at least 2012". Very flippantly, like I was above being upset over IF.  But I'm NOT.  We started trying in 2009!  It is so unbelievably unfair!

It's the way I felt when I was single and yearned to be married (or at least have a boyfriend).  I was ok being single, I just wanted reassurance that someone was out there for me at some point in my life.  That's what I need now...just to know that it will happen someday.

How do you choose?

SO....yet another post in which I write that we "probably are going to be moving ahead with dIUI".

Has anyone nominated me for a Pulitzer yet?

But I digress.

DH and I have been communicating more recently.  I think this is partly due to the counseling sessions and partly due to the passage of time...infertility is no longer a hemorrhaging open wound, it is now a large scabbed area that only bleeds when I pick at it (or when stupid fertile people pick and pick and pick at it).  We are both in agreement that dIUI still makes the most sense.  When?  We are still not sure, depends on the success of DH's doctoral thesis.  BUT I just realized there is something so obvious that I can obsess over in the meantime. DONOR PROFILES!  OMG!  AM I AN IDIOT?  SO MUCH TO THINK ABOUT!

Sorry for the caps, I know it is still early but I shot out of bed like a rocket when I realized this this morning.

Now, I have perused a few profiles before...back when we were first diagnosed with mfi.  I was kind of like a blog lurker...just there for information and drama, not for anything I would actually need in my life.  Now it might actually be relevant!  Like my baby daddy genetic info!  For realz!

Umm, those last few lines are now kind of scaring me so just disregard.  It is just so exciting to think that there will come a month (Feb at the earliest, July/August at the latest) in which I could actually get knocked up!  For all the trying and different positions, and preseed, and ovulation sticks, and fertility microscopes (please don't buy this it was a joke), and BD when the inlaws were in the next room, and not drinking (gasp!) during the 2ww, and obsessively tracking every cramp...all of those months were for naught!!!!!  It was not to be and almost impossible for us to have succeeded.  When we move forward with dIUI I know the very first month I have like a 30% chance of getting KU (is that right?  I think I read that somewhere).  VERY COOL.  I have been out of the actively ttc circle for so long now that charting cycles seems so awesome.  To be doing ANYTHING seems amazing.

So now to the meat and potatoes of this post....to all of you that have used donor sperm or donor eggs....How do you choose a donor?  Try to find physical characteristics close to your spouse?  Personality traits?  Career/education? A donor that looks like you so no one tries to make the kid out to look like your spouse?

Also, what sperm bank do you use?  Does the RE's office tell you?  How many vials should you buy?

AHHHHH!

Please help.  xoxo