tests

So we are still waiting for DH's test results.  He had genetic tests (unsure exactly but I know they were definitely looking for Klinefelter's and micro x deletion) and all the labs required for us to pursue donor sperm (it is so funny that they need his blood for that...it is to check him for all kinds of stds..I guess so that if one of us ended up with something from the sperm we would have proof that we didn't have it before?).

Does anyone know how long it takes to get these genetic tests back?  They were drawn early last week.

SO...I guess we have talked, if he has some genetic snafu then we will be able to move forward with ds with clearer heads.  I do completely agree with this.  Almost every blog I read about ds the man has NO or almost no sperm.  DH has sperm, albeit not many and those that are there are lazy.  But they're there.  So maybe if everything checks out with hubby's genetic makeup it would be silly not to move forward with IVF. 

Anyway, just checking in.  Here's to a fertile spring and summer 2011 for everyone!!!!

Questions..

I swear I've asked most of these before but bear with me..I have a few random questions and a few random thoughts..

1. I have read about clomid increasing sperm counts and sometimes motility.  I have also read however that it does not necessarily improve pregnancy rates.  Why is this?  Any success stories with actual numbers?
2. Reasons for such a low sperm count in DH...physical exam was normal, testosterone slightly low, unsure if any other hormones were tested.  Genetic testing next...exactly what tests should be ordered?  How long do they take to get back? What do the results mean?
3. HOW THE HELL DOES ANYONE EVER AFFORD IVF?
4. ahem.  That last one should probably read, "How will we ever be able to afford it?".  Seriously?  Why is it so expensive?
5. I just read online about a new study showing taking extra antioxidants improves sperm count and function.  Anyone know anything about this?  There are about a million antioxidant supplements out there. 
6. Ummm I have just started to have an interest in adoption.  DH has a cousin or friend or someone he knows who had a bad experience and he has said from the beginning, "I just am not comfortable adopting."  Do you think that statement is open for discussion or should I just shut the fuck up for now and cross that bridge later if we need to?

DH just got back from a work trip today.  I haven't yet asked him if he has heard back from the urology dr for the genetic work-up.  Serisouly this is pissing me off.  Well 2 things are...that the dr can't make the time to write a stupid lab order and secondly that I feel guilty asking DH yet again if he has heard.  It is so not his fault that this dr is so busy...but whenever I ask him he feels that I am pressuring him.  I know he's stressed, I get that.  Work and phd stuff has been crazy lately. 

I am just so sick of all of this.  If the fates have decided that we are not meant to have children at all then I just want to know now. I don't want to keep googling things like, "adoption agencies" "ivf success rates" "genetic reasons for low sperm counts" "donor sperm psychological implications" "ivf financing" "antioxidant sperm production" "hormonal reasons for low sperm count". 

Limbo, how I've missed you

First off I am SOOO far behind on blogs.  I have only read sporadically...I am sorry.  I am rooting for all of you and nothing but happy when I read your good news. When I read bad news I feel awful.  Bad news sucks, it shouldn't exist and we should fucking abolish it.

We are sorta kinda in limbo again.  DH is having trouble getting the urologist on the phone..but our plan right now is to get genetic testing done, talk again with him about clomid/other meds that might possibly increase his counts, and keep talking donor. 

Well this sure reminds me of where we have been several times this last year. 

Love you all.  One of these days I'm gonna read through everyone's posts. 

Counseling

Our first counseling appt was great!  It felt good to be in a neutral 'safe' place and be able to talk through some things. 

Tentative plan? Once again we are leaning towards dIUI for our first attempt.  Hubby feels good about it, I feel good about it, our finances feel good about it, our family feels good about it (although I have some doubts about the in-laws, mostly his mom) so it seems a go!  We are still planning on waiting for DH's damn doctorate to be done which will be this April.

I'm excited!  I hope this stays firmly in place as the plan for awhile...I can't take much more wavering around!

Does it matter?

We have always wanted 3 or 4 kids.  Our desire for a large family has not changed since getting our infertility diagnosis...but it has made us a wee bit more practical.  We cannot afford 4 IVF cycles in the next 8 years..well, except for 3 cycle plus plans but that is for one baby, so I guess I mean we cannot afford 4 successful IVF attempts.

SO we have been talking about pursuing 1-2 pregnancies by doing dIUI, 1-2 pregnancies by doing IVF with ICSI.  Is this insane?  Will DH subconsciously favor his genetic children?  Will any donor children we have sense a small inkling of detachment from their father?  DH swears this wouldn't happen.  BUT how can he know?  Just the fact that he says that he we could "do donor now then do IVF later", doesn't that show that although he is open to using donor sperm that he ultimately wants his 'own' child?  And is that so wrong?  Are we crazy to use donor when there are other options?  Should we just wait a year and then try IVF and keep donor as a backup option?  Or is it crazy to wait? We could do a dIUI attempt in the next couple of months.

I am leaning toward trying dIUI soon...I know it is the crazy infertile inside of me but the idea of waiting 11-13 months makes me crazy!  Every month my eggs are abandoning ship!  Although I am still relatively young, if we wait a year I will jump from 29 to 30.  That year difference probably won't affect our chances for our first pregnancy attempt (well actually our millionth but our first attempt that has a fucking chance of working) but that pushes every subsequent pregnancy attempt back a year.  That could ultimately reduce our family size.  AUGH!!!

On the other hand if we wait a year and try IVF we can delay or possibly completely avoid using donor gametes.  Maybe we will get incredibly lucky and get pregnant with twins on our first IVF attempt??  OR we could spend a year exhausting the entire 3 cycle plus option (3 fresh, 3 frozen if applicable) and STILL not have a baby.  We would get about 70% of our money back and would most likely then progress to dIUI.  TWO years from now.  Then I'd be 32.

I NEED A CRYSTAL BALL!!!

ALSO I know that these are all just ideas...we both keep assuming that because I have thus far checked out okay that I will be able to get pregnant with IUIs.  That's naive.  We could be spectacularly unsuccessful.  THAT WOULD BE A SHOCKER!

Okay, deep breath.

This "thinking things out and coming to terms with our emotions" isn't really going very well.  I want a plan.  I NEED a plan.  Hopefully we will have one soon.  Perhaps you fellow Stirrup Queens can help me? ANY advice is welcome, except the 'just relax' one, I have that one covered.

Thanks in advance.  I understand that no one can make this decision but DH and me...but we need help.

All Clear

Just got home from the HSG...all clear!  Woohoo!

I really expected it to be an easy procedure...I innocently thought that every horror story I had read on the internet was blown out of proportion, that it would be an "ouch" and then over.  I now know what everyone was talking about, it's an OUCH!  Now the pain only lasted 2-3 minuted total but OH.MY.GOD.  Tears were rolling down my face.  Thank God DH was there with me, I think I broke his hand.  Dr Alan was great too.  Afterwards he apologized for it hurting so much but told me that my tubes looked great.  We briefly spoke about our struggle of pursuing IVF vs dIUI.  He said that obviously we have a lot to talk about, but we would be great candidates for either.

SO...now we are going to do some soul searching over the next month or so, then come up with a game plan.

Waiting, waiting

My HSG is in a couple of weeks, and providing that I am "all clear" then we are pretty confident that we will be moving on to a dIUI cycle sometime this fall.  We've discussed it with our close friends and families and everyone has been really supportive.  I think a few of them are wondering why we wouldn't just go straight for IVF since the docs seem to think we would have a reasonable success rate.  And that's a good question!  We had a brief period where we kinda seesawed between IVF/dIUI and had lots of doubts, now we are pretty sure.  Obviously money is a big factor-we can afford IUI NOW but would have to save for 6-12 months for an IVF cycle.  But there is also the probable genetic component and physical and emotional stress of IVF.

Well time to go watch the season 2 premiere of Teen Mom (yes I watch it, actually I LOVE it).  I hope everyone has a wonderful week.  POSITIVE THOUGHTS FOR ALL!!!!