Aside from infertility life has been amazing....we are just wrapping up a European beach vacation, Pipsqueak has been growing leaps and bounds (started nursery school, ballet lessons, can sing her ABCs, count to 10, and is a just an overall joy), and our family of 3 is spending a lot more time together than we were able to in the US. We are very glad we took the risk and moved here. Life seriously feels like a holiday to me much of the time (well except for the heat which is beginning....so we are about to be shut-ins for the next 4-5 months - luckily we have 2.5 month travels to the US planned!).
Our thoughts on using ART for another attempt at a second child have wavered back and forth, often with DH and I feeling opposite at any given time. About a month ago I really researched IVF over here and emailed the coordinator for more information. The cost seems reasonable - 37,000 dirhams for one cycle including absolutely everything - meds, u/s, ICSI, anesthesia. That amounts to $10,000 USD. I like the all up front aspect, no surprises. I also like that they allow kids at appointments...I know that's not appreciated by women trying for their first but having no family here that would be soooo important.
My biggest concern on IVF here is that it is still illegal to freeze embryos. Why I do not know. I mean I know it is because of religion...they are very antiabortion here. However to me....destroying good day 5 blastocysts seems like abortion to me, am I wrong? How is that different? Doesn't it seem more morally sound to freeze those embryos to give them a chance at life later rather than incinerate them? Not that I judge anyone who does destroy embryos, or have an abortion, but I am just trying to wrap my mind around the logic here. Personally I would not have an abortion unless my life was in danger/baby had a terminal illness, etc.
Okay, I didn't mean for this post to turn into a moral debate (within myself! LOL).
Basically I wouldn't feel good if I had embryos which showed a chance at life get destroyed. We always said we would transfer any embryo that had potential. Well both IVFs we've had 2 blasts and transferred both. And each time there were no embryos with the potential for life that were left over. The only embryos destroyed were ones that had stopped growing or were severely behind by day 7.
If history repeated itself this no freezing policy would not matter obviously. But if by some miracle we had 6 great blastocysts I would just have a nervous breakdown.
The law has changed a few times I guess. So basically we don't feel comfortable moving forward unless the law changes back.
And besides all of this, neither of us are 100% that we would do another IVF anyway. For me I of course would do it if there was a guarantee of success. But seriously out of I think 21 embryos we've only had 4 blasts and 1 baby. Not great odds.
So back to me thinking I was all ready to do it last month. That same week I signed up Pipsqueak for nursery school. She goes now 1 morning a week and will go in September 3 mornings a week. The cost for 3 mornings is 7000 dirhams a term. 3 terms a year so 21,000 dirhams a year, i.e. Approx almost 2/3 of the cost of one IVF cycle. We were discussing whether we can afford this nursery school and suddenly I was like this is freaking insane. We should spend the money on our child that is here, living and breathing, not on more drugs, surgeries and heartache trying to conceive another baby.
So we made the decision we will not be doing IVF again (caveats we discussed are a sudden huge windfall of money or moving to a place/job with IVF insurance coverage). But no more will we take money from our child for IVF.
We are going to get DH a urology appt to repeat hormone levels and discuss clomid/arimidex/hormone treatment. We figure this option probably won't work but is comparatively low in cost, risk, heartache potential.
The thing that still gets me though, and leaves that sliver of a doubt is that we could totally afford another cycle. Believe me I know that means we are blessed! Moving to the Middle East, leaving all of our family and friends, was mostly tolerable because we are able to build a nest egg for the future. So we could pay for one cycle and it wouldn't affect our day to day life at all. It would just take that much out of savings. But we've done that once already. We already spent some savings and tried IVF again, and it didn't work. I'm hoping that because we did try once more that I won't years from now regret not doing it again. It's hard to imagine that I probably won't ever be pregnant or breast-feed a baby again.
And truthfully....I don't think our family is incomplete without another child. She is so amazing, DH and I looked at each other while out to eat this week and just both melted because she was being so cute. That made us voice something, that we would give anything for another child like her! Ugh. This post has clearly gone nowhere. Just wanted to check in and let you into the mind of crazy woman. Our due date from our second pregnancy would be in a week and a half, and so many bloggers that got pregnant when I did are about to pop....that's probably why my head is so fucked up. Thanks for listening!
Our thoughts on using ART for another attempt at a second child have wavered back and forth, often with DH and I feeling opposite at any given time. About a month ago I really researched IVF over here and emailed the coordinator for more information. The cost seems reasonable - 37,000 dirhams for one cycle including absolutely everything - meds, u/s, ICSI, anesthesia. That amounts to $10,000 USD. I like the all up front aspect, no surprises. I also like that they allow kids at appointments...I know that's not appreciated by women trying for their first but having no family here that would be soooo important.
My biggest concern on IVF here is that it is still illegal to freeze embryos. Why I do not know. I mean I know it is because of religion...they are very antiabortion here. However to me....destroying good day 5 blastocysts seems like abortion to me, am I wrong? How is that different? Doesn't it seem more morally sound to freeze those embryos to give them a chance at life later rather than incinerate them? Not that I judge anyone who does destroy embryos, or have an abortion, but I am just trying to wrap my mind around the logic here. Personally I would not have an abortion unless my life was in danger/baby had a terminal illness, etc.
Okay, I didn't mean for this post to turn into a moral debate (within myself! LOL).
Basically I wouldn't feel good if I had embryos which showed a chance at life get destroyed. We always said we would transfer any embryo that had potential. Well both IVFs we've had 2 blasts and transferred both. And each time there were no embryos with the potential for life that were left over. The only embryos destroyed were ones that had stopped growing or were severely behind by day 7.
If history repeated itself this no freezing policy would not matter obviously. But if by some miracle we had 6 great blastocysts I would just have a nervous breakdown.
The law has changed a few times I guess. So basically we don't feel comfortable moving forward unless the law changes back.
And besides all of this, neither of us are 100% that we would do another IVF anyway. For me I of course would do it if there was a guarantee of success. But seriously out of I think 21 embryos we've only had 4 blasts and 1 baby. Not great odds.
So back to me thinking I was all ready to do it last month. That same week I signed up Pipsqueak for nursery school. She goes now 1 morning a week and will go in September 3 mornings a week. The cost for 3 mornings is 7000 dirhams a term. 3 terms a year so 21,000 dirhams a year, i.e. Approx almost 2/3 of the cost of one IVF cycle. We were discussing whether we can afford this nursery school and suddenly I was like this is freaking insane. We should spend the money on our child that is here, living and breathing, not on more drugs, surgeries and heartache trying to conceive another baby.
So we made the decision we will not be doing IVF again (caveats we discussed are a sudden huge windfall of money or moving to a place/job with IVF insurance coverage). But no more will we take money from our child for IVF.
We are going to get DH a urology appt to repeat hormone levels and discuss clomid/arimidex/hormone treatment. We figure this option probably won't work but is comparatively low in cost, risk, heartache potential.
The thing that still gets me though, and leaves that sliver of a doubt is that we could totally afford another cycle. Believe me I know that means we are blessed! Moving to the Middle East, leaving all of our family and friends, was mostly tolerable because we are able to build a nest egg for the future. So we could pay for one cycle and it wouldn't affect our day to day life at all. It would just take that much out of savings. But we've done that once already. We already spent some savings and tried IVF again, and it didn't work. I'm hoping that because we did try once more that I won't years from now regret not doing it again. It's hard to imagine that I probably won't ever be pregnant or breast-feed a baby again.
And truthfully....I don't think our family is incomplete without another child. She is so amazing, DH and I looked at each other while out to eat this week and just both melted because she was being so cute. That made us voice something, that we would give anything for another child like her! Ugh. This post has clearly gone nowhere. Just wanted to check in and let you into the mind of crazy woman. Our due date from our second pregnancy would be in a week and a half, and so many bloggers that got pregnant when I did are about to pop....that's probably why my head is so fucked up. Thanks for listening!
