I'm bleeding - Happy 200th post and 40,000 pageviews!

So I started spotting last night, just tannish stuff.  Which I had with Pipsqueak's cycle too at almost the same time so no biggie.  Then this morning it was rust colored but still hardly any. 

This morning's FRER was darker than yesterday's but not by a ton.  CB digital said Not Pregnant. 

At 10am I went to take a shower after vacuuming and there was dark red blood staining my thighs.  When I wiped it was like a normal period.

Just took another FRER and it's darker than this morning's.  

Beta is scheduled for Thursday at 7:30am.  I'll be 9dp5dt.  I work all day Saturday and Monday so I won't be able to get a recheck of beta til next Tuesday maybe?  Fml

Clearly this is over, right? Cramps continue as they have since 3dpt.

I feel like I'm dreaming (warning more pee sticks ahead)

My afternoon test today at 6dp5dt is even darker!

I cannot believe I am pregnant.  Just like last time I was certain it wouldn't work.  Keep the faith ladies!

6dp5dt

I think it's photographable now!!!!  Here is this morning's test:

I'm calling it

I think it's a BFP!

I have been peeing on absolutely every preg test I can get my hands on.  Like I have a bad addiction and need an intervention.  I tested out trigger and got my first 100% blank negative at 2dp5dt.  3dp5dt was also negative.  These were all internet cheapies (wondfo I think).  Yesterday at 4dp5dt I did a First Response Early Result which was negative.  But my wondfo yesterday had that most faintest of all shadows.  You had to tilt it, hold it right up to bright light and make a wish to see it.  My mom saw it too though, so I wasn't completely losing it.

This morning took a wondfo and FRER again.  The wondfo had the weird light shadow again which I just felt weird about, but the FRER had a definite light second line!  VERY light, still had to kind of hold it up to the light.

Just took an afternoon test (see I need help) and both have a more obvious line!  Still light (but I am only 5dp5dt so of course it should be light) but I can see both in natural light without tilting it!

So when did anyone else get their positive sticks after IVF?  Am I just crazy?  Last time I had a positive at 6dp5dt.

Also I have cramps that feel just like AF is about to start...which is exactly what I blogged at 5dp5dt last time!

Thanks

Thank you all for your support.  I started out this cycle kinda lost in the blogosphere.  Last time I had so many cycle buddies, and most of us were newbies.  This time I felt more alone.  But over the course of this cycle I have made new friends and found support from old ones :)

Last night I felt awful.  I took the 4 zithromax pills for pre-retrieval antibiotic coverage at about 7pm.  I took it with food.  By 8 I was soooooo sick to my stomach.  I quickly took a zofran and a benadryl.  I passed out at 9:30 and was awakened by my alarm at 9:58 for my 10pm trigger shot.  I gave it to myself completely out of it.  Today I POAS to make sure the trigger got into my system - and I got a light positive.  So I guess it worked.  This morning my nausea is much better, just back to feeling feverish and crampy.

I hate this day between trigger and retrieval.  There's nothing to do but sit around and hope you don't ovulate.  I didn't last time and I assume I won't this time, but for some reason it is crossing my mind a lot.  Maybe bc one of the girls on the fertility forum I frequent had it happen to her this cycle.

9am tomorrow can't come quickly enough!

Spotting help!

So yesterday I started spotting - it was light pink/grayish when I wiped. Then last night I had two episodes of light brown on my panty liner.  Last night and this morning after I inserted the endometrin there was light red/brown on the applicator when I removed it.

Cramps are pretty much the same they have been on and off since retrieval - like light AF cramps.

My reading and talking with friends has educated me that a.) endometrin vaginal suppositories can cause cervical irritation, capillary breakage and spotting and that b.) IVF pregnancies in general are notorious for spotting, especially when more than one embryo was transferred.

So rationally I know that everything is probably fine...but I HATE IT!

Also I don't feel like the 2nd lines of the First Response pregnancy tests I have been taking are getting darker enough - I mean they are definitely darker day to day but not as much as I thought they'd be.

Digital Clearblue today said pregnant - and according to peeonastick.com it registers for bhcg greater than 50.  So I think the level must be going up?

My official beta with the RE is tomorrow morning.  Oh God I hope it has gone up sufficiently. Please!

So I caved...6dp5dt

It's hard to see but I think it's positive!  I took 2 EPTS and 2 internet cheapies which all had faint lines!  Yesterday I took one mostly to see if trigger was out and it was completely bare and negative so I think I may be in business!  I took one day after transfer and it was negative too. I have never had a positive before!

I called DH and he is thrilled!  Not mad at me at all for POAS!

I woke up this morning after having a dream that I had twin boys so I had to test.  I am shaking I am so excited/nervous/happy!

It is positive, right?

Here's another view...

5dp5dt

I'm not going to test.  I'm just not.  No matter what.  I go back to work tomorrow and I don't want to start back with a negative test in my mind.

Also then there is the whole being honest with my spouse thing.  So NOT GOING TO TEST!!!!!

My breasts still hurt but cramps are gone.  Completely gone.  I am not sure if that is a good or bad sign but whatever.

My heart is aching for Angie who is going through a devastating miscarriage, Krista who is dealing with a negative after her first FET cycle, and Leigh who got a BFN after here IVF cycle.  So much sadness this weekend.

I hope May brings us all peace and renewal one way or another.

Updated: Well about 20 mins after writing this my cramps came back.  Just like pre AF cramps.

4dp5dt

So should I test starting tomorrow?  Or should I not?  I've promised DH I won't because he is out of town for work this week and gets back beta day (Thursday).  BUT I think I deserve the chance to POAS in private.   Fertiles get to! They have the opportunity to know before anyone else that they are pregnant - or that they are not.

But I'm scared.  Really scared.

What I wouldn't give for a little implantation spotting!  I've had cramps/twinges on and off since retrieval but last night into today I got cramps.  Feels exactly like AF coming - which I have read can be a good thing but I just don't know how it could be.  Every time I wipe I pray for a little pink.

And my BOOBS!  I thought my boobs were sore before AF but that is nothing compared to this progesterone pain.  I am aware of them at all times - like they are throbbing.

SO.  I took a test yesterday just to see if trigger was out and it was - nice and blank, a perfect negative.

IF I was to test when should I?  In my heart of hearts I'd like to be strong but my God I am weak!  So who knows...if I do and it's negative I'm going to lie and say I didn't.  Cause that's how I roll - what I pee on is my business.

Negative

for HIV, all the hepatitises, chlamydia, ghonorrea (sic), and like a billion other diseases.

Also I have resistance to German measles.  Woohoo!

I talked to the nurse briefly today about what to expect.  It all sounded normal...she said Dr Alan usually only does one insem per cycle, uses clomid to stimulate, estradiol to thicken lining.  The only thing I was unsure of is she said day 12 you come in for an ultrasound and if you're ready you get the shot in the office and come back the next day for insem.  I thought 36 hours was the average time?  Esp with donor sperm, it only lives 12-24 hours unlike fresh super sperm that survives 24-72 hours or something.  I stressed that I am in the medical field so giving shots at home would be no big deal.  So we'll see, I guess I am no RE but damn I am a DR GOOGLE!

Funniest thing that happened so far this month?  My period was 4 days late.  AND (WARNING TMI AHEAD!!!!) there had been no deposit made in the particular place that deposits need to be made in order for babies to be made.  And NO, not that dirty orifice, the other one, the one that is very clean, usually.

BUT STILL!  My period is almost never late!  I got myself worked up that I was accidentally pregnant with a 3 month old miracle fetus and the last couple of months were just spotting.  Because that would totally make sense what with all of the weight gain, crankiness, tears and bloating.  Of course!  So I ACTUALLY TOOK A PREGNANCY TEST.  I can at least say that I didn't buy one, back when we were ttc like rabbits I bought a million of them from babyhopes.com.  I am a POAS addict.  I thought I had kicked this particular habit but my brain was all like, "No, no, no".

Negative obviously.  The one comfort I have is that I have never had an evaporation line.  These tests are always like the great white abyss of despair.  I giggled when I saw the negative this time.  Back then I would have killed to see an evap line just for the fleeting hope.

So, yay!  And actually my cycle having been late is going to make the iui process in January soooo much better.  Otherwise I was going to be out of town while on clomid for the first time and I am such a baby about meds that I have been all worried about the side effects.

Happy holidays everyone!!!!!