We have always wanted 3 or 4 kids. Our desire for a large family has not changed since getting our infertility diagnosis...but it has made us a wee bit more practical. We cannot afford 4 IVF cycles in the next 8 years..well, except for 3 cycle plus plans but that is for one baby, so I guess I mean we cannot afford 4 successful IVF attempts.
SO we have been talking about pursuing 1-2 pregnancies by doing dIUI, 1-2 pregnancies by doing IVF with ICSI. Is this insane? Will DH subconsciously favor his genetic children? Will any donor children we have sense a small inkling of detachment from their father? DH swears this wouldn't happen. BUT how can he know? Just the fact that he says that he we could "do donor now then do IVF later", doesn't that show that although he is open to using donor sperm that he ultimately wants his 'own' child? And is that so wrong? Are we crazy to use donor when there are other options? Should we just wait a year and then try IVF and keep donor as a backup option? Or is it crazy to wait? We could do a dIUI attempt in the next couple of months.
I am leaning toward trying dIUI soon...I know it is the crazy infertile inside of me but the idea of waiting 11-13 months makes me crazy! Every month my eggs are abandoning ship! Although I am still relatively young, if we wait a year I will jump from 29 to 30. That year difference probably won't affect our chances for our first pregnancy attempt (well actually our millionth but our first attempt that has a fucking chance of working) but that pushes every subsequent pregnancy attempt back a year. That could ultimately reduce our family size. AUGH!!!
On the other hand if we wait a year and try IVF we can delay or possibly completely avoid using donor gametes. Maybe we will get incredibly lucky and get pregnant with twins on our first IVF attempt?? OR we could spend a year exhausting the entire 3 cycle plus option (3 fresh, 3 frozen if applicable) and STILL not have a baby. We would get about 70% of our money back and would most likely then progress to dIUI. TWO years from now. Then I'd be 32.
I NEED A CRYSTAL BALL!!!
ALSO I know that these are all just ideas...we both keep assuming that because I have thus far checked out okay that I will be able to get pregnant with IUIs. That's naive. We could be spectacularly unsuccessful. THAT WOULD BE A SHOCKER!
Okay, deep breath.
This "thinking things out and coming to terms with our emotions" isn't really going very well. I want a plan. I NEED a plan. Hopefully we will have one soon. Perhaps you fellow Stirrup Queens can help me? ANY advice is welcome, except the 'just relax' one, I have that one covered.
Thanks in advance. I understand that no one can make this decision but DH and me...but we need help.
