5w1d

I hate blogger right now!  I can't read over half of the posts on my feeder - so sorry if I miss something important!!

10 more sleeps til the u/s.  We should be able to hear a heartbeat at 6w4d right?  I just want to go in knowing what I should expect.

How am I feeling?  Elated and at that the same time just waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Physically I feel good...a little nausea and sore boobs, which I am savoring and makes me sublimely happy :)

4w4d

I NEVER thought I'd get to have a blog post with that kind of title.  I feel so incredibly lucky and blessed.

Beta today at 13dp5dt - 754.  Doubling time of 32.44 hours since my last level!  When the nurse called with my result she said, "Now don't quote me on this, but a level like this means there's probably more than one baby." !!!!!!!!!  The last 2 days I have been peeing much more frequently, had 2 maybe half hour bouts of nausea, and my breasts have more prominent veins and my usually very light nipples are dark - but I was so afraid it was all in my head.  Guess not!

I've tried getting one of those fancy charts showing average singleton hcg rates but I can't find it :(  But beta base says average for a singleton today is 413 and average for twins is 803.

All I want is a healthy pregnancy.  I am so scared of a miscarriage that it seems like one baby would just be easier and less scary...but that said I would be so happy with twins.

I have had no more spotting since 8/9dp5dt.  The more I think about it maybe it was old implantation blood that took a little bit to show?  Whatever it is I hope it stays away!

Thank you all for listening to every freak out and worry that crosses my mind.  All of you are amazing women and I thank God I found you all when I did.

No more blood work (my clinic doesn't every check progesterone - I'm just to continue the endometrin suppositories?) so next up is ultrasound May 23 at 6w4d.  2 weeks from today.  This is going to be one LLLOOOONNNGGG 2ww.

Again I got a bonus beta

So at work tonight (have I mentioned it is very very nice to work in an ER at times like these?) I just had to have another beta drawn because..

a.) tannish light spotting continues and I DON'T LIKE IT (I had one episode where I felt a GUSH, on my liner it was literally tan/skin color and milky - obviously suppository and mixed with old blood?)
b.) Foxy brought up a good point that different labs calibrate things differently and I just know if my beta at Dr Alan's office today shows my beta didn't double I will absolutely go crazy wondering if it is just the differences in laba.

So - 9dp5dt beta is 75.  Doubling time of 43.44 hours.

This is good, right?  Even though it doubled it seems low on the betabase chart.  Also it seems like lots of folks get a good increase, like 28% or whatnot.  I really thought I'd feel better with a double but I'm still scared.

I need to just shut the fuck up and revel in doubling betas.  I am annoying even myself..but if you can't tell I am just a tad bit paranoid. Please tell me to stop worrying and that I should be happy!

Now to see what another lab says my beta is exactly 6 hours after my last one.  Heehee

Edited to add: 2 hours later I have calmed down and am trying to realize that worrying won't help anything.  What will be will be and I might as well enjoy this pregnancy!  So I am offically 4wks 0 days pregnant and extremely grateful.  I am leaving up what I wrote at 3 am in the heat of the moment because I want this blog to truly document what we've gone through.

Spotting help!

So yesterday I started spotting - it was light pink/grayish when I wiped. Then last night I had two episodes of light brown on my panty liner.  Last night and this morning after I inserted the endometrin there was light red/brown on the applicator when I removed it.

Cramps are pretty much the same they have been on and off since retrieval - like light AF cramps.

My reading and talking with friends has educated me that a.) endometrin vaginal suppositories can cause cervical irritation, capillary breakage and spotting and that b.) IVF pregnancies in general are notorious for spotting, especially when more than one embryo was transferred.

So rationally I know that everything is probably fine...but I HATE IT!

Also I don't feel like the 2nd lines of the First Response pregnancy tests I have been taking are getting darker enough - I mean they are definitely darker day to day but not as much as I thought they'd be.

Digital Clearblue today said pregnant - and according to peeonastick.com it registers for bhcg greater than 50.  So I think the level must be going up?

My official beta with the RE is tomorrow morning.  Oh God I hope it has gone up sufficiently. Please!

Early beta result 7dp5dt

So I work in an ER and BEGGED the ER doc to order a beta on me...I had called Dr Alan and asked him to order it eariler than Thursday but the nurse said he won't do one before 9dp5dt.

The number today- 36 at 7dp5dt!

According to betabase average for 12dpo is 37 so I am over the moon!

Thanks for all of the love ladies!

So I caved...6dp5dt

It's hard to see but I think it's positive!  I took 2 EPTS and 2 internet cheapies which all had faint lines!  Yesterday I took one mostly to see if trigger was out and it was completely bare and negative so I think I may be in business!  I took one day after transfer and it was negative too. I have never had a positive before!

I called DH and he is thrilled!  Not mad at me at all for POAS!

I woke up this morning after having a dream that I had twin boys so I had to test.  I am shaking I am so excited/nervous/happy!

It is positive, right?

Here's another view...

5dp5dt

I'm not going to test.  I'm just not.  No matter what.  I go back to work tomorrow and I don't want to start back with a negative test in my mind.

Also then there is the whole being honest with my spouse thing.  So NOT GOING TO TEST!!!!!

My breasts still hurt but cramps are gone.  Completely gone.  I am not sure if that is a good or bad sign but whatever.

My heart is aching for Angie who is going through a devastating miscarriage, Krista who is dealing with a negative after her first FET cycle, and Leigh who got a BFN after here IVF cycle.  So much sadness this weekend.

I hope May brings us all peace and renewal one way or another.

Updated: Well about 20 mins after writing this my cramps came back.  Just like pre AF cramps.