To start this post I want to state that I think formula is a fine choice, babies grow up healthy on it, and moms who choose (or are forced to choose) to give their babies formula are wonderful mothers.
Our breastfeeding journey was tumultuous at first and since has been fairly smooth sailing. And I feel that any bumps in the road are completely and utterly worth the benefits to both me and my baby.
Day 1- I was on a mag drip, recovering from a 12 hour induction turned emergency c-section. They brought me my premature 5lb 12oz baby girl and tried to get her latched on the breast. This was still in the recovery phase after the surgery I believe (mag makes everything blurry and hard to remember). As her lips were coming at my nipples I saw that the nurse had taped these straw like things to my breast. I said, "Is that formula?". She pulled the baby away (probably sensing that I was not ok with this plan, actually probably deciding then and there that I was a LACTIVIST) and said, "With premature babies like yours they don't have a proper suck reflex. We have standing orders to add formula to get them interested." Standing orders people. DON'T TELL THE MOTHERS! I mean seriously! I know it (almost definintely) wouldn't have hurt her but the lack of communication astounded me.
The nurse then untaped the formula straws and helped me get Pipsqueak latched on. Which she did very well thank you very much!! Everyone was impressed with her suck reflex. HAHA! Point one for my babe! (I was unbelievably proud of her)
Days 2-4 - My milk was not yet coming in. Since she had been rushed to NICU blue, not breathing and limp with an Apgar of 2 (read THIS POST for all of the gory details) she had an IV in her hand and had been receiving iv fluids with a small amount of glucose in them. They took out the IV on day 3 I believe. Day 4 my milk still wasn't really in (it takes longer for C-section moms!) so they kept checking her blood sugar, telling me she would need formula if it dropped. Obviously I verbalized my displeasure with that plan. Well her blood sugar stayed in the 80s. (Again I was as proud of her as if she had won the Nobel Prize). Her pediatrician came by and told me she had a borderline high bilirubin. I forget the number exactly but it was barely high at all. He said they'd recheck it in the morning and if it went up it would be no big deal - just a day under the bili lights.
Day 5 - This was the day I was put to the test. At 5am my night nurse came in and told me her bilirubin had risen (still not that high, maybe 14?) and she would have to have formula. I freaked - in that way that only hormonally charged new mothers can freak. I cried so hard I literally lost my breath with choking. I told her the pediatrician hadn't said that, and that I absolutely refused to consent to fomula. I made my husband go home and get my mom and bring her back to the hospital - poor woman, after 3 nights in the hospital with me she was finally sleeping in a bed and not a rocking chair and I interrupted it. Sorry Mom!
You may be asking yourself why the fuck I was so hellbent on refusing formula. It's kind of funny, if it happened right now I may just let them give her a bottle to shut them up but I had just finished reading a book about breastfeeding - 7 simple laws for breastfeeding - and it just stuck in my mind. Any introduction of formula can increase the chance for food allergies, can decrease my supply etc. I was really worked up. I think the biggest reason was so much of this pregnancy was out of my hands - the conception, the bed rest, scary high blood pressure, induction and csection. THIS was something I could control damn it!
The on-call ped that day was a BIATCH. I so missed the nice gentleman from the previous days. She pretty much lectured us for 20 minutes. Even said, "In some cases we get a court order for a feeding tube". My husband replied, "is that a threat?". That shut her up. I mean REALLY. She was dumb. Either that or she had formula fed her children (which is FINE!) and felt defensive. I don't know. I can say that I really wanted to call her up a few days later when the news reports came out about some newborns dying from tainted formula. Man oh man did I want to talk to her about that.
We had the baby under the bili lights that day constantly for 12 hours other than for 30 min feeds every 3 hours. There was all this talk about DEHYDRATION and SHE MUST PEE or she will need another IV or FORMULA because YOUR MILK HASN'T COME IN ENOUGH. Big words from small people. Luckily my milk began to come in in earnest. I also had a couple of caring nurses who helped me pump and syringe feed breast milk after she was done nursing. She kept peeing and the lights lowered her bili. WIN!
Once we got home things were WAY easier. Less stressful and more calming which helped. There was a 2-3 week period where I gave pumped milk exclusively because I thought she was having nippled confusion but it actually ended up being reflux.
At 10+ months I can say the only drawback at this point is I think sleep is more challenging with an exclusively breastfed infant. She wants comfort in the night and the most comforting thing on the planet evidently is my tits. Who knew? I plan on a whole sleep post soon so I will go into details later.
I plan on continuing breast feeding at least til a year, hopefully longer. We have talked about maybe trying IVF again next summer so that would mean weaning her in spring I suppose. For now I am not thinking about it too much. My ped told me that she can have some whole milk starting at 10 months so I am relieved that the pressure of my frozen stash is going away. It is down to only about 20 oz so it's nice to know my husband can supplement with milk while I'm at work (but I hope to hold off til 12 months for this).
Here is a quick list of the positives I have experienced with breastfeeding this past year:
-weight loss
-my cholesterol and triglycerides have lowered considerably (from high normal to perfect)
-my good cholesterol has risen
-my daughter has not had a single cold or illness
It is not always easy, and at times can feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders but I think it's worth it. The days of pumping in a closet space at work will soon be behind me but I think the positive health results will last both Pipsqueak and I for years to come. (that ended sappily I am sorry. Also I am sorry for the length of this post. WOWZERS)
Our breastfeeding journey was tumultuous at first and since has been fairly smooth sailing. And I feel that any bumps in the road are completely and utterly worth the benefits to both me and my baby.
Day 1- I was on a mag drip, recovering from a 12 hour induction turned emergency c-section. They brought me my premature 5lb 12oz baby girl and tried to get her latched on the breast. This was still in the recovery phase after the surgery I believe (mag makes everything blurry and hard to remember). As her lips were coming at my nipples I saw that the nurse had taped these straw like things to my breast. I said, "Is that formula?". She pulled the baby away (probably sensing that I was not ok with this plan, actually probably deciding then and there that I was a LACTIVIST) and said, "With premature babies like yours they don't have a proper suck reflex. We have standing orders to add formula to get them interested." Standing orders people. DON'T TELL THE MOTHERS! I mean seriously! I know it (almost definintely) wouldn't have hurt her but the lack of communication astounded me.
The nurse then untaped the formula straws and helped me get Pipsqueak latched on. Which she did very well thank you very much!! Everyone was impressed with her suck reflex. HAHA! Point one for my babe! (I was unbelievably proud of her)
Days 2-4 - My milk was not yet coming in. Since she had been rushed to NICU blue, not breathing and limp with an Apgar of 2 (read THIS POST for all of the gory details) she had an IV in her hand and had been receiving iv fluids with a small amount of glucose in them. They took out the IV on day 3 I believe. Day 4 my milk still wasn't really in (it takes longer for C-section moms!) so they kept checking her blood sugar, telling me she would need formula if it dropped. Obviously I verbalized my displeasure with that plan. Well her blood sugar stayed in the 80s. (Again I was as proud of her as if she had won the Nobel Prize). Her pediatrician came by and told me she had a borderline high bilirubin. I forget the number exactly but it was barely high at all. He said they'd recheck it in the morning and if it went up it would be no big deal - just a day under the bili lights.
Day 5 - This was the day I was put to the test. At 5am my night nurse came in and told me her bilirubin had risen (still not that high, maybe 14?) and she would have to have formula. I freaked - in that way that only hormonally charged new mothers can freak. I cried so hard I literally lost my breath with choking. I told her the pediatrician hadn't said that, and that I absolutely refused to consent to fomula. I made my husband go home and get my mom and bring her back to the hospital - poor woman, after 3 nights in the hospital with me she was finally sleeping in a bed and not a rocking chair and I interrupted it. Sorry Mom!
You may be asking yourself why the fuck I was so hellbent on refusing formula. It's kind of funny, if it happened right now I may just let them give her a bottle to shut them up but I had just finished reading a book about breastfeeding - 7 simple laws for breastfeeding - and it just stuck in my mind. Any introduction of formula can increase the chance for food allergies, can decrease my supply etc. I was really worked up. I think the biggest reason was so much of this pregnancy was out of my hands - the conception, the bed rest, scary high blood pressure, induction and csection. THIS was something I could control damn it!
The on-call ped that day was a BIATCH. I so missed the nice gentleman from the previous days. She pretty much lectured us for 20 minutes. Even said, "In some cases we get a court order for a feeding tube". My husband replied, "is that a threat?". That shut her up. I mean REALLY. She was dumb. Either that or she had formula fed her children (which is FINE!) and felt defensive. I don't know. I can say that I really wanted to call her up a few days later when the news reports came out about some newborns dying from tainted formula. Man oh man did I want to talk to her about that.
We had the baby under the bili lights that day constantly for 12 hours other than for 30 min feeds every 3 hours. There was all this talk about DEHYDRATION and SHE MUST PEE or she will need another IV or FORMULA because YOUR MILK HASN'T COME IN ENOUGH. Big words from small people. Luckily my milk began to come in in earnest. I also had a couple of caring nurses who helped me pump and syringe feed breast milk after she was done nursing. She kept peeing and the lights lowered her bili. WIN!
Once we got home things were WAY easier. Less stressful and more calming which helped. There was a 2-3 week period where I gave pumped milk exclusively because I thought she was having nippled confusion but it actually ended up being reflux.
At 10+ months I can say the only drawback at this point is I think sleep is more challenging with an exclusively breastfed infant. She wants comfort in the night and the most comforting thing on the planet evidently is my tits. Who knew? I plan on a whole sleep post soon so I will go into details later.
I plan on continuing breast feeding at least til a year, hopefully longer. We have talked about maybe trying IVF again next summer so that would mean weaning her in spring I suppose. For now I am not thinking about it too much. My ped told me that she can have some whole milk starting at 10 months so I am relieved that the pressure of my frozen stash is going away. It is down to only about 20 oz so it's nice to know my husband can supplement with milk while I'm at work (but I hope to hold off til 12 months for this).
Here is a quick list of the positives I have experienced with breastfeeding this past year:
-weight loss
-my cholesterol and triglycerides have lowered considerably (from high normal to perfect)
-my good cholesterol has risen
-my daughter has not had a single cold or illness
It is not always easy, and at times can feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders but I think it's worth it. The days of pumping in a closet space at work will soon be behind me but I think the positive health results will last both Pipsqueak and I for years to come. (that ended sappily I am sorry. Also I am sorry for the length of this post. WOWZERS)
Thanks for posting, this was a real encouragement. We did have to supplement an ounce of formula a day in our early days because my milk took a long time to come in and our huge bubba was hungry but I have been exclusively bfeeding/pumping for a few weeks now and honestly its feeling exhausting. I need to remember that it is so good for him, and for me and that it's not always the easy option but it is worth it. Good job mama, you are amazing. I only have 2 months under my belt but I am newly inspired to keep going strong :) Happy ICLW to you!!
ReplyDeleteHospitals are so worried about being sued! For my next delivery (if it is a vaginal one), I plan to check out early to avoid the crazy baby nurses and their intent to make the baby pee. Ugh. Plus the 3 hours checks are so damn annoying. I want to dot his all at home without the stress.
ReplyDeleteOur journey was similar to yours, IVF pregnancy-bedrest-emergency -c-sec. I agree, it didn't do any good to our first week adjusting and getting on the right track with breastfeeding. Nurses should know better and provide the right support for mothers in such a (in many ways) post-traumatic situation. Both you and your little girl did a great job pushing through those initial hurdles. And good for you speaking up for yourself.
ReplyDeleteI am happy to read your story and that breastfeeding has been such a fullfilling experience for both a you. I hope the weaning period will go smoothly and mercifully. We are almost at 14 months getting ready for a natural FET. Weaning is again an emotional process, but I have to tell you the little teeth are helping it;)
Happy ICLW
#51
I am happy you stood your ground! Good job on BFing! I am two months in and really happy that it came easy to us. I hope to be able to continue!
ReplyDeleteI feel you on the sleep issues! I am happy to say little man has been a champion breastfeeder since the beginning (he was almost 21lbs at 6 mo check up) but he is the worst possible sleeper! He goes to bed at around 8-9 and sometimes sleeps until 12-2ish. after that he is up just to cuddle and bf for 5 min. we have tried having daddy cuddle and do the pacifier thing, but that just makes him more mad! Can't wait to read your post about sleeping issues- cuz they sound similar!
ReplyDeleteHi from ICLW! I appreciate you sharing your experience on breastfeeding. I tend to hear a lot of stories littered with glitter and unicorns, and I am sure some people DO have fabulous experiences beginning to end, but it does a disservice to new moms to pretend there are not issues.
ReplyDeleteOh I so agree. I actually expected it to be easy and was surprised when it wasn't at first.
Delete