I sent my R.E's office a passive agressive message on Facebook

Wasn't that a mature thing to do?

They posted an article touting their new embryologist, with brand new lab equipment, etc., etc., etc.  The article was dripping with enthusiasm and optimism.  It made me want to puke.

I clicked on the link for the bio of their new embryologist.  Certainly not the person I met at their office, not the person who repeatedly told me conflicting things throughout our cycle, not the person who in June 2013 when I had my sit down with the NP was told was "our new embryologist who is having such high success and freeze rates that it gives me chills".

The article literally made me sick to my stomach.  If so soon after hiring the last guy they had to go get a 'world-class, precedent setting' embryologist then obviously the man who made and handled my embryos was hideous.  Otherwise why the quick turnover?

So I sent them a message simply asking when this new embryologist started work there and that I was told in June that the embryologist had just started then.  That was 3 days ago and I haven't heard anything back.  I'm sure I won't.  It definitely made me feel better though just to shove it in their faces.

2 years old!

How is that possible?

I cannot wrap my head around the fact that I have a two year old.  That seems so old!!!!!!

We are going to have a very low-key day - I ordered a chocolate birthday cake, we just had pancakes for breakfast and we are going to the beach later.  We have a few presents for her to open but nothing major.  Our focus today is spending time as a family together and having fun!

Whirlwind

Life with a 22 month old is nuts!  Good crazy but so busy!  She never sits still, is starting to speak short sentences, and amazes me every day.  Today she brought me her baby doll and the wipes and said, "poopy!!"  So I changed the baby :)

At her early 2 year appt (at 22 months) she weighed 26.5 lbs (60th percentile) and was 34.5 inches (90th percentile). Dr said she's gonna be tall and skinny (I'm jealous).

We leave  in 2 weeks.  There is still so much left to do before we leave!   I'm so ready to just be there.  I still need to start a new blog to document our travels ...when I do I will definitely share it here.

There have been three million "I'm gonna be a big sister" etc announcements on Facebook and in blogs lately. I'm obviously happy for everyone, but it always feels like a punch in the gut.  Funnily enough I don't have that reaction to someone getting pregnant with their first.   But siblings get to me somehow.  That said I feel really settled with only having one.  I've sold or given away almost every single baby item and am realizing how much easier our new adventure will be without a pregnancy and newborn to deal with.  Oh well, decision made and that's that.

Love to all!

A new blog?

So I am thinking about starting a new blog chronicling our adventures over there.  I have obsessively been reading expat blogs and learning so much.  I am having a dilemma though...I love this blog.  It has been home for so long and I hate to leave it.

But our infertility journey is over - we have decided on absolutely no more treatments, have off-handedly talked about adoption but I doubt we have the drive to go down this road, and the chances of a surprise pregnancy are extremely slim to none.  So maybe I should just transition this blog of mine into an American Girl in the Middle East type vibe?  The problem is of course that this blog is (semi) confidential.  Only one or two people in my real life know about it as far as I know.  And if I start blogging about our new adventures I will want to use my real name and include lots more pics of us, and what's more I will want to give the blog address to my family and friends, perchance even give out the address on facebook, gasp!

What should I do?  I know I can start a new one and just share that address here for any of you who want to follow along.  But I like this space!  I like my blog name.  SO maybe I could convert to using my real name, and maybe put some of the more personal posts to password protected for now.  Maybe half of my family and friends know we did IVF, I'm not very shy about that.  But as far as details about MFI, and the fact that we have debated dIUI several times, I'm not sure DH will want that knowledge public.

Any advice?

Also to all of you currently in treatment, pregnant, or just giving birth - I love you, I wish you nothing but the best, I read your updates, but sometimes it is just too much to comment right now.  I hope you understand.

Changes on the horizon

My husband has been offered a job in the Middle East. We are waiting to hear the official offer before we accept it but it's looking like we could be moving there before the end of the year.

Ummm.  Yeah.

Pros - I can be a stay at home mom, we will get ahead financially, our family of 3 will have all weekends off together (now I work most weekends), and it's a huge career boost for DH.

Cons - It's hot.  It's far from family and friends.

Truthfully I'm ready for an adventure and a change.  Onward and upward!

Doing better

Sorry my last post was so negative.  I'm feeling a lot better about everything now.  Enjoying 2 cups of coffee every morning and playing with my daughter as much as possible.

Today we are going to the Renaissance Festival...I am so excited to take her there!  DH and I have been a couple times before but never with a child.  They have a petting zoo, rides, face painting, elephant rides.  It's gonna be a blast!

It's over

Beta came down to 4.  All day I was praying it was either super high or super low...I got one of my wishes.

The nurse practitioner that called me said it was absolutely nothing I did, it was most likely a genetic defect in the embryo and was doomed from the start.

She said the dr wants to sit down and talk to us about what went wrong.  I told her we can't afford to try again so it doesn't really matter what went wrong.  I almost got through this without crying.

I am pissed off that the Dr himself didn't call me.  After all money, shots, blood draws and conflicting reports from the embryologist I think I deserved at least that.

So I am on beer 5.  Adios IVF, thank you for my daughter, but right now fuck you.