So... this weekend I was having a few drinks with my best friend. I had told her earlier in the day about our plans for using donor sperm. She had seemed very supportive of it at the time but evidently it took some booze to loosen her lips and allow her to air her concerns. Here they were:
-Won't it be too weird to be pregnant with another man's child?
-Will DH feel like it's not his baby?
-Isn't it weird to have some other guy's sperm inside of you?
-It just seems freaky, you know what I mean?
I am not mad at her for sharing, she didn't say anything that I hadn't thought at one time....BUT it got me to thinking about the reaction everyone else in my life will have. Is my mom secretly thinking ths too? Are DH's parents? IS DH?
After thinking it about it for the last few days I decided it didn't really matter. This is me and DH's decision, not anyone else's. Also I am not going to waste my time second guessing my husband...if he came to me and told me this is what he wants and that he is ready then he must be. He is not one to make rash decisions. I am sure that, like me, he knows there are always other options and alternatives, how can we ever be 100% sure a decision is the right one?
I remember when using donor sperm first came up. From that first second I knew deep down that even if a child is not related genetically to both of us it is OURS. He or she would not exist if it hadn't been for us meeting, falling in love and deciding to share our lives with a child. That makes that child OURS.
-Won't it be too weird to be pregnant with another man's child?
-Will DH feel like it's not his baby?
-Isn't it weird to have some other guy's sperm inside of you?
-It just seems freaky, you know what I mean?
I am not mad at her for sharing, she didn't say anything that I hadn't thought at one time....BUT it got me to thinking about the reaction everyone else in my life will have. Is my mom secretly thinking ths too? Are DH's parents? IS DH?
After thinking it about it for the last few days I decided it didn't really matter. This is me and DH's decision, not anyone else's. Also I am not going to waste my time second guessing my husband...if he came to me and told me this is what he wants and that he is ready then he must be. He is not one to make rash decisions. I am sure that, like me, he knows there are always other options and alternatives, how can we ever be 100% sure a decision is the right one?
I remember when using donor sperm first came up. From that first second I knew deep down that even if a child is not related genetically to both of us it is OURS. He or she would not exist if it hadn't been for us meeting, falling in love and deciding to share our lives with a child. That makes that child OURS.
We used DS. I just wrote a letter to our baby regarding it....http://gvandmonkey.blogspot.com/2010/11/dear-baby-4.html
ReplyDeleteIt talks about how that child is OURS. Read it, if you are so inclined. And I'd be more than happy to answer questions.
Hi, I'm still trying to wrap my head around the possiblity of DE. It takes some time getting used to, but I think once you've made the decision to go forward there's no looking back. I know in my heart if I get to carry a child, it will be mine, but it's hard to give up that small part of a larger dream of just being a mother someday. It sounds like you and your DH have an excellent plan and I think everything else will fall into place. At this point I've realized it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks (family and friends included). Ultimately it's your and your DH's decision. Looking forward to following your journey.
ReplyDeletePeople who don't have to consider using a donor just don't get it. At first it really threw me for a loop, but after we decided to try it I got over it. We're getting ready to do some dIUI's again next year.
ReplyDeleteIt creeps my Mom out a bit, but she'll get over it!
Here from Creme de la creme...
ReplyDeleteNothing like a little truth serum to bring out what's really in their head. I know my extended family is thinking one thing and saying another with our potential transracial adoption (we're fost-adopt). Ultimately, it's up to you to get comfortable with however you choose to live your life. GL with YOUR journey!
To be honest, the first three questions are also what I would wonder about for myself.
ReplyDeleteBut you're right, only your answer to those questions matters for you.
(Arrived here from the Crème de la Crème list.)
Hi seriously considering taking an egg from a donar myself, but not really sure at what point you give up on trying for your own biological and accept that this is the best way forward?
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post! I have a son conceived through DI and every day I marvel at how close he is with his Daddy. You are right that it is so hard to know that any decision is the right one, but I can say from the other side that I worry a whole lot less about that than I ever thought possible. He is our son, there is no question about it!
ReplyDeleteAs for your friend and her questions, it's kind of good that she was able to ask some of the things that were on her mind. You might have to face more of that as you disclose, and it helps to have some practice. I have to say that I never once felt like I was pregnant with "some other man's baby" - it was always my baby or our baby. And in each of the 6 dIUIs it took to get pregnant, I always felt happy and excited to finally be trying and know that we had a chance of success - again, it never felt like some other guy's sperm. It was the way we could have a baby together, and that's what it felt like - trying to make a baby, with all the excitement and hope and happiness that entails (though admittedly with fewer orgasms...)
Wishing you all the best. Here from the Creme.
Good for you! It's so easy to waste precious energy worrying about what other people will think, but it's also pointless. I'm trying to keep that in mind myself as I consider trying DE.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!