Saturday, April 21, 2012
What a difference a year makes..
Pipsqueak,
Egg retrieval (thus conception) of you,
My darling baby girl, was one year ago today. Out of nineteen eggs retrieved we were left with one perfect embryo. I love you baby. You are more than I could ever ask for - you are all I need.
Love,
Momma
Friday, April 13, 2012
4 months
We are officially doing the Prilosec twice a day now...here's hoping it helps!!!
Here is a pic from her 4 month photo shoot today (4 months tomorrow but I work all weekend so did the pictures today). She was not in a smiling mood!
Here is a pic from her 4 month photo shoot today (4 months tomorrow but I work all weekend so did the pictures today). She was not in a smiling mood!
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Damn reflux!
Every once in awhile (maybe once a week) Pipsqueak has a great day/night - eats great, doesn't cry constantly and naps like a champ. The other 6 days a week she is in pain. Arching her back while eating, crying, refusing to nap for very long and just generally fussy. She does smile and laugh a lot but is seemingly always on the verge of a breakdown. It's so hard seeing her in pain.
We saw a pediatric gi specialist last week and she was switched to 3ml Prilosec once daily. She told me that if after a week it wasn't helping then we would go to twice daily, then if after 2-3 more weeks it hasn't helped then she will be switched back to Axid or Zantac as they have been more thoroughly studied in infants.
Today is day 8 and she is as bad as ever. I talked to the dr's nurse and she said she will talk with the dr and call me back tomorrow.
Pipsqueak continues to sleep well at night thank God. Otherwise I would lose it!
Anyone use Prilosec (omeprazole) for their babies before? Online it says 14 days before it kicks in. Fingers crossed!!
She is 16 weeks old tomorrow. She is THISCLOSE to rolling over on her own, smiles and laughs easily, grabs and bats at toys, plays in her excersaucer, drools and slobbers on everything and is basically perfect - it just makes me miserable to see her in pain.
We saw a pediatric gi specialist last week and she was switched to 3ml Prilosec once daily. She told me that if after a week it wasn't helping then we would go to twice daily, then if after 2-3 more weeks it hasn't helped then she will be switched back to Axid or Zantac as they have been more thoroughly studied in infants.
Today is day 8 and she is as bad as ever. I talked to the dr's nurse and she said she will talk with the dr and call me back tomorrow.
Pipsqueak continues to sleep well at night thank God. Otherwise I would lose it!
Anyone use Prilosec (omeprazole) for their babies before? Online it says 14 days before it kicks in. Fingers crossed!!
She is 16 weeks old tomorrow. She is THISCLOSE to rolling over on her own, smiles and laughs easily, grabs and bats at toys, plays in her excersaucer, drools and slobbers on everything and is basically perfect - it just makes me miserable to see her in pain.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Ramblings
I told my hubby yesterday if I could snap my fingers and be pregnant right now I would. Clearly I am suffering from some sort of baby love addiction and need professional help.
I heard "I Will Survive", the Cake version, recently and it kinda sums up how I feel about infertility/pregnancy hunger right now. I never thought it would come back so soon. (I should've changed my fucking locks) BUT I am also putting 99.9% of my energy toward my baby, and really only the .1% toward thoughts of IF (now I'm saving all my lovin for someone who's lovin me). Okay wow that was cheesy.
We have an appt today with a pediatric GI specialist. She is still diagnosed as having acid reflux and was switched from Zantac to Axid 3 weeks ago. She was on probiotics for 3 weeks with no improvement, we use Colief drops for possible lactase problems with every feed and she still cries at maybe 1/4 of her feedings. Seeing as how it is almost always the evening feeds I sense it is more colic than reflux. But we shall see what the expert says today. Pipsqueak is 3 1/2 months and colic is supposed to get better at 3-4 months so here is hoping!!!
She is napping right now in her swing. Her naps are all over the place - her favorite place to nap by far is in our arms/lap :). She sometimes naps in her crib, sometimes her pack and play, and often just on the couch near us. We are pretty much exclusively co-sleeping at night. She often goes 6-7 hrs btwn feeds at night but recently is eating every 4-5 at night (growth spurt maybe?). I have recently finally figured out how to nurse while lying down. - what a lifesaver!
Still doing exclusive breast milk. She nurses when I'm home and gets bottles when I'm working. Supply is good although I have been taking fenugreek for the past couple of weeks. TMI perhaps but my period started back at 7 weeks postpartum (I was pissed!) and I then had another 26 days later. Guess my body is ready for another one too ;)? Anyway hormone fluctuations during your period can decrease supply and I definitely noticed that. Fenugreek is helping though. During that time I take 3 capsules 3 times a day. I also take thy much when I'm working a 12 hr shift. Or when I just feel low.
She is 15 weeks tomorrow and I simply adore this stage. She is beginning to be able to 'play'. She loves her activity mat - its adorable watching her bat at her toys! Her excersaucer is a hit (although she is still kinda small in it) and she is unsure about her Johnny Jump up - not supposed to use it until 4 months so she will probably get better at it but check out this pic -
She was just sucking on the fabric and tiptoeing around. It was hilarious!
Love to all. Big shout out to some recent BFPs - Leigh and Tina congratulations!!! For everyone cycling now or soon my fingers are crossed or you!
Xoxo
I heard "I Will Survive", the Cake version, recently and it kinda sums up how I feel about infertility/pregnancy hunger right now. I never thought it would come back so soon. (I should've changed my fucking locks) BUT I am also putting 99.9% of my energy toward my baby, and really only the .1% toward thoughts of IF (now I'm saving all my lovin for someone who's lovin me). Okay wow that was cheesy.
We have an appt today with a pediatric GI specialist. She is still diagnosed as having acid reflux and was switched from Zantac to Axid 3 weeks ago. She was on probiotics for 3 weeks with no improvement, we use Colief drops for possible lactase problems with every feed and she still cries at maybe 1/4 of her feedings. Seeing as how it is almost always the evening feeds I sense it is more colic than reflux. But we shall see what the expert says today. Pipsqueak is 3 1/2 months and colic is supposed to get better at 3-4 months so here is hoping!!!
She is napping right now in her swing. Her naps are all over the place - her favorite place to nap by far is in our arms/lap :). She sometimes naps in her crib, sometimes her pack and play, and often just on the couch near us. We are pretty much exclusively co-sleeping at night. She often goes 6-7 hrs btwn feeds at night but recently is eating every 4-5 at night (growth spurt maybe?). I have recently finally figured out how to nurse while lying down. - what a lifesaver!
Still doing exclusive breast milk. She nurses when I'm home and gets bottles when I'm working. Supply is good although I have been taking fenugreek for the past couple of weeks. TMI perhaps but my period started back at 7 weeks postpartum (I was pissed!) and I then had another 26 days later. Guess my body is ready for another one too ;)? Anyway hormone fluctuations during your period can decrease supply and I definitely noticed that. Fenugreek is helping though. During that time I take 3 capsules 3 times a day. I also take thy much when I'm working a 12 hr shift. Or when I just feel low.
She is 15 weeks tomorrow and I simply adore this stage. She is beginning to be able to 'play'. She loves her activity mat - its adorable watching her bat at her toys! Her excersaucer is a hit (although she is still kinda small in it) and she is unsure about her Johnny Jump up - not supposed to use it until 4 months so she will probably get better at it but check out this pic -
She was just sucking on the fabric and tiptoeing around. It was hilarious!
Love to all. Big shout out to some recent BFPs - Leigh and Tina congratulations!!! For everyone cycling now or soon my fingers are crossed or you!
Xoxo
Thursday, March 22, 2012
A year ago..
A year ago yesterday was the day I called the RE and my husband and I decided to move forward with IVF...several months earlier than we had planned.
A year ago today was my first appt, and day one of bcp.I can't believe it's been a year. As some of you may remember I was pretty sure that it wasn't going to work. My attitude wasn't exactly negative, I was (I thought) just being realistic and trying to protect myself. I tried not to get my hopes up. I was adamant about doing only one cycle..and if it didn't work I was going to embrace being a DINK. (obviously I have no idea what I really would have done but I really really didn't want to go through IVF again). The night before I POAS I spent about 4 hours on the Internet researching travel to New Zealand..I was so certain the cramps I felt were AF getting ready to start and I had to focus on the future and being childless.The BFP was the biggest shock of my life. Seriously I couldn't have been more shocked...I know it sounds stupid but there it is.
I remember POAS upstairs in my bathroom and seeing the blank white where the test line should be. I was not surprised, and really not even that sad. It was 6dp5dt and I pretty much knew that I should have a positive this day if it had worked. I took the test with me downstairs and was looking through the fridge for something to eat. I turned around and looked at the test on my kitchen counter and it literally took my breath away. There was a faint 2nd line. I called my mom up and said, "I think I might be pregnant". I was shaking. I emailed her a picture and she said I definitely was. I called my hubby and he was so excited! I remained in shock the rest of the day.
It became real when we saw the heartbeat on the ultrasound screen. I (naively) was pretty unafraid of miscarriage after that point. In retrospect I can't believe I wasn't terrified. If I had protected my heart while waiting for the pregnancy test result I certainly was protecting nothing anymore - my hopes were sky high and I would have been devastated had anything happened to the pregnancy.
During the bad morning sickness, the scary pre-eclampsia, the strict on my side 5 weeks of bed rest, the horrible induction with emergency c-section, and the extreme sleep deprivation of the first 6 weeks I was adamant that she would be our "only". I was never going to do this again. We got lucky with IVF working the first time - we have no frozen embryos and I took that as a sign. Out of 19 eggs retrieved we ended up with one perfect embryo (assuming our baby is the 5aa and not the 1bb). But. Now that I have a smiling, laughing 3 month old I am having some disturbing thoughts - I'd like another please. My husband is on board - he has always wanted at least two. But I don't know - it is so overwhelming to even think about. Was my second FSH level that came back elevated indicative of a decreased fertility on my part? Could we ever afford IVF again?
It is easier to just imagine that we are done. I can't fathom IVF while having a baby/toddler. Also morning sickness? God forbid bed rest?
Maybe we should stop while we're ahead.
Then I think "Thank God we did IVF when we did, or she wouldn't be here". "Thank God we picked the RE we did or she wouldn't be here". "Thank God the embryologist picked the sperm she did to inject or she wouldn't be here". You get the picture. A lot of thanking God when I'm not even a religious person.
So what if deciding that we are done means a child of ours that is meant to be doesn't get a chance? What if we had decided not to do IVF? Pipsqueak wouldn't be here. That kills me.
So how do you know when you're done?
A year ago today was my first appt, and day one of bcp.I can't believe it's been a year. As some of you may remember I was pretty sure that it wasn't going to work. My attitude wasn't exactly negative, I was (I thought) just being realistic and trying to protect myself. I tried not to get my hopes up. I was adamant about doing only one cycle..and if it didn't work I was going to embrace being a DINK. (obviously I have no idea what I really would have done but I really really didn't want to go through IVF again). The night before I POAS I spent about 4 hours on the Internet researching travel to New Zealand..I was so certain the cramps I felt were AF getting ready to start and I had to focus on the future and being childless.The BFP was the biggest shock of my life. Seriously I couldn't have been more shocked...I know it sounds stupid but there it is.
I remember POAS upstairs in my bathroom and seeing the blank white where the test line should be. I was not surprised, and really not even that sad. It was 6dp5dt and I pretty much knew that I should have a positive this day if it had worked. I took the test with me downstairs and was looking through the fridge for something to eat. I turned around and looked at the test on my kitchen counter and it literally took my breath away. There was a faint 2nd line. I called my mom up and said, "I think I might be pregnant". I was shaking. I emailed her a picture and she said I definitely was. I called my hubby and he was so excited! I remained in shock the rest of the day.
It became real when we saw the heartbeat on the ultrasound screen. I (naively) was pretty unafraid of miscarriage after that point. In retrospect I can't believe I wasn't terrified. If I had protected my heart while waiting for the pregnancy test result I certainly was protecting nothing anymore - my hopes were sky high and I would have been devastated had anything happened to the pregnancy.
During the bad morning sickness, the scary pre-eclampsia, the strict on my side 5 weeks of bed rest, the horrible induction with emergency c-section, and the extreme sleep deprivation of the first 6 weeks I was adamant that she would be our "only". I was never going to do this again. We got lucky with IVF working the first time - we have no frozen embryos and I took that as a sign. Out of 19 eggs retrieved we ended up with one perfect embryo (assuming our baby is the 5aa and not the 1bb). But. Now that I have a smiling, laughing 3 month old I am having some disturbing thoughts - I'd like another please. My husband is on board - he has always wanted at least two. But I don't know - it is so overwhelming to even think about. Was my second FSH level that came back elevated indicative of a decreased fertility on my part? Could we ever afford IVF again?
It is easier to just imagine that we are done. I can't fathom IVF while having a baby/toddler. Also morning sickness? God forbid bed rest?
Maybe we should stop while we're ahead.
Then I think "Thank God we did IVF when we did, or she wouldn't be here". "Thank God we picked the RE we did or she wouldn't be here". "Thank God the embryologist picked the sperm she did to inject or she wouldn't be here". You get the picture. A lot of thanking God when I'm not even a religious person.
So what if deciding that we are done means a child of ours that is meant to be doesn't get a chance? What if we had decided not to do IVF? Pipsqueak wouldn't be here. That kills me.
So how do you know when you're done?
Friday, March 2, 2012
Nursery pic
I want to put an asterisk at the end of the quote with a footnote stating "and pursued A.R.T."
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