For a moment there I thought the RE's office was showing a little empathy but alas I was wrong. A couple days after my last post I was fb messaged back by the office. I guess the person in charge of the office account is the financial/office coordinator, whom I really like. She told me the RE was going to call me to discuss my concerns. I emailed her back telling her that I now live in Dubai and therefore no longer have the same phone number. She replied that he had tried to call and figured that out. She then said he would email me that weekend instead. I was a little excited, not sure why, maybe just because I felt like a little closure would be nice. Well 3 weeks later and no email has been sent to me. Oh well, I mean what was he going to say that would make a difference anyway?
Things are good here! I've been blogging about our time here at my new space. I'm kinda afraid that my relatives reading my new blog may now have found this blog from my referencing it here. Umm, I think I am ok with that, even though most of them don't know I am very open about our infertility struggles. But it is weird not knowing who is reading.
A few weeks ago DH and I casually threw around ideas about maybe having another baby. However there are just so many obstacles:
1. Even though IVF is cheaper here by about half I think, not sure how much medications run, it is just not something we are comfortable with. The number one reason is that it is illegal to freeze embryos here. Isn't that odd? Living in a Muslim country does have some drawbacks. Another reason is we are just not sure how regulated the industry is here. I read something on the internet, who knows how true it is, about a Dr here 5 years ago using donor sperm for IVFs to increase his success rate and not telling the couples? I mean wtf? The third reason is I don't think either of us want to do IVF again anyway - I mean it just plain sucks. Especially this last cycle (obvi).
2. Donor sperm is illegal here. So the option of dIUIs is out of the question. Truthfully I think this is the option we would be most likely to try if we were still living in the states. (Easy to say since it is not an option, I realize that) (also pregnancy outside of marriage is illegal, as in you get deported if you are unmarried and pregnant! )
3. Adoption is VERY hard here. There are babies abandoned due to the aforementioned law, but only the Emiratis are allowed to adopt them. I am not sure of all the laws surrounding this, again this is from basic googling. From what I read the 2 countries we could potentially adopt are Mexico and some country in Africa? Sorry I cannot remember which one. The stories I read were mostly 6-12 month old babies being adopted. I also read that it is VERY hard to navigate the beaurocratic red tape when it comes to taking the child back to the USA. I apologize that I am simplifying and if any of my information is incorrect - I am by NO means an expert.
Basically the 3 avenues that we could take here to have another child are not roads we can go down.
We then discussed maybe doing dIUI or adoption when we move back to the US, which would be in a minimum of 2 years. By then DH will be in his 40s, I will be in my mid-30s (32 now). So we both feel that we probably won't. I don't know, most days I am actually kind of glad I only have one child, for all sorts of reasons. Other days I think I would like 5 kids. =-) I know everyone waffles on this but it sucks having the decision pretty much made for you.
Things are good here! I've been blogging about our time here at my new space. I'm kinda afraid that my relatives reading my new blog may now have found this blog from my referencing it here. Umm, I think I am ok with that, even though most of them don't know I am very open about our infertility struggles. But it is weird not knowing who is reading.
A few weeks ago DH and I casually threw around ideas about maybe having another baby. However there are just so many obstacles:
1. Even though IVF is cheaper here by about half I think, not sure how much medications run, it is just not something we are comfortable with. The number one reason is that it is illegal to freeze embryos here. Isn't that odd? Living in a Muslim country does have some drawbacks. Another reason is we are just not sure how regulated the industry is here. I read something on the internet, who knows how true it is, about a Dr here 5 years ago using donor sperm for IVFs to increase his success rate and not telling the couples? I mean wtf? The third reason is I don't think either of us want to do IVF again anyway - I mean it just plain sucks. Especially this last cycle (obvi).
2. Donor sperm is illegal here. So the option of dIUIs is out of the question. Truthfully I think this is the option we would be most likely to try if we were still living in the states. (Easy to say since it is not an option, I realize that) (also pregnancy outside of marriage is illegal, as in you get deported if you are unmarried and pregnant! )
3. Adoption is VERY hard here. There are babies abandoned due to the aforementioned law, but only the Emiratis are allowed to adopt them. I am not sure of all the laws surrounding this, again this is from basic googling. From what I read the 2 countries we could potentially adopt are Mexico and some country in Africa? Sorry I cannot remember which one. The stories I read were mostly 6-12 month old babies being adopted. I also read that it is VERY hard to navigate the beaurocratic red tape when it comes to taking the child back to the USA. I apologize that I am simplifying and if any of my information is incorrect - I am by NO means an expert.
Basically the 3 avenues that we could take here to have another child are not roads we can go down.
We then discussed maybe doing dIUI or adoption when we move back to the US, which would be in a minimum of 2 years. By then DH will be in his 40s, I will be in my mid-30s (32 now). So we both feel that we probably won't. I don't know, most days I am actually kind of glad I only have one child, for all sorts of reasons. Other days I think I would like 5 kids. =-) I know everyone waffles on this but it sucks having the decision pretty much made for you.
First of all, I would like to follow your other blog! I need the address, I am sure you posted it but I am a total slacker about blogs and blogging. I would love to hear about your life in a foreign land, it sounds so...exotic.
ReplyDeleteI am struck by your last paragraph and just want to offer my two cents, you are young enough to try again! Even with a wait time of two years. I am going to turn 40 this year and my husband will be turning 43. I used to be really hung up about age but know I figure what is a year or two? If you still waffle maybe you shouldn't close the door just yet, that is what I tell myself. Hang in there and enjoy the sweet, compact nature of your perfect family for now!
xo
I am just getting caught up. It is really unfair when circumstances make the decision for you. If you decided you really wanted to try again, would cycling in the U.S. while back for a vacation or something while you are still living overseas be an option?
ReplyDeleteRevisiting the whole issue in two years is definitely an option- certainly your biological ability to carry a pregnancy would not be washed up at 34!- but I can understand how difficult it would be to stay in limbo for another two years and then reopen old wounds.
It's a touch choice no matter what you do. :(
xoxo
T.